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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Seriously: Entire U.S. fact-checking industry shuts down after debate

Donald Trump has been telling a lie every three minutes and fifteen seconds, not that you cared (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia)
Donald Trump has been telling a lie every three minutes and fifteen seconds, not that you cared (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia)

Citing crushing workloads and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, fact-checking agencies across the nation shut down in mass protest following the presidential debate Tuesday.

“We just can’t do it anymore,” Kendrick Edwards, president of the Southern Titular Fact-checkers’ Union (STFU), said in between fits of stress sobbing. “It’s the overwhelming sense of emptiness that’s gotten to us, and the knowledge that our effort is totally futile, that our work will we released to… to silence. Nothing. Zero.”

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According to sources, news stations reported being “mildly inconvenienced but not irritated” by the exodus of fact-checkers, noting that it probably won’t be too difficult to fill another minute of airtime with new content.

“You’re seriously asking about this? I mean, I guess it matters,” Big Wiggington, executive producer at Faux News, said in between sips on a glass of pundits’ tears. “Despite the fact that this will have no impact on our bottom line, I can’t shake the feeling that this is probably bad for some reason.”

In related news, Presidential candidate Donald Trump applauded the shutdown on Twitter, touting it as an example of his job-creating abilities.

Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor and Blogger Sean Kennedy can be reached at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @seanskenn. He also hosts a weekly radio show, SUBMERGE, on Sundays from 7-9 p.m. on KCSU Fort Collins. Leave a comment!!

Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.

 

 

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    IJKSep 30, 2016 at 10:15 am

    “He is a fourth-year student’ You don’t say!

    Reply