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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Seriously: A letter from your neighborhood bear

Seriously: A letter from your neighborhood bear

Addy Dollaghan, Collegian Columnist March 4, 2024
Dear humans: I’d like to start this off by noting that we’ve always had a decent relationship. You've left us to do what we do; we leave you to do the same. If either party encroaches on that line, justified consequences naturally ensue.
Seriously: Taylor Swift discusses her CO2 emissions in interview

Seriously: Taylor Swift discusses her CO2 emissions in interview

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist February 29, 2024
Taylor Swift — after much negotiation and two subpoenas — flew from Denver to Fort Collins via her private jet to be interviewed about her carbon emissions with The Collegian.
Seriously: CSU student is convinced her roommate is a vampire

Seriously: CSU student is convinced her roommate is a vampire

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist February 26, 2024
Most people never think that horror movies can come to life. Stories about ghosts and monsters are simply tales to scare us. The idea of monsters being real is too far-fetched for anyone to give it a second thought.
Seriously: CSUs newest fraternity is abstinence only

Seriously: CSU’s newest fraternity is abstinence only

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist February 12, 2024
It is almost guaranteed that at least one Colorado State University fraternity will be throwing a party each weekend. CSU’s new abstinence frat is no different. Their door is always open to make friendship bracelets and play Just Dance.
Seriously: Student loses hard work moments before deadline

Seriously: Student loses hard work moments before deadline

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist January 30, 2024
Professors recommend that students never leave an important assignment until the last minute. But who listens to those ridiculous suggestions? Marvin Dent, a physics Ph.D. student at Colorado State University, is now wishing that maybe he hadn't called those suggestions ridiculous.
Seriously: Ram-cademy awards: Heres what CSU won

Seriously: Ram-cademy awards: Here’s what CSU won

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist January 22, 2024
The academy award season has taken over America. With the Emmys and Golden Globes ceremonies out of the way it is now time for the Oscars to step in.  
Seriously: Founding Fathers take over Fort Collins voting day

Seriously: Founding Fathers take over Fort Collins voting day

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist November 8, 2023
If you spot flowing white locks and a trenchcoat around town, it’s not your philosophy professor — it’s just James Madison. This past election day, unsuspecting Fort Collins locals reported several packs of wig-wearing, stocking-clad individuals at various voting sites across the city. They were later identified as the Founding Fathers.
Seriously: Campus safety in question as squirrels take over

Seriously: Campus safety in question as squirrels take over

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist November 6, 2023
It is advised that students stay away from campus for the foreseeable future. Safety has been compromised by a serious threat. And anyone who tries to come to campus could be in imminent danger. Please remain indoors until the threat has been dealt with by the local authorities.
Seriously: Expect these Halloween costumes this year

Seriously: Expect these Halloween costumes this year

McKenna Van Voris, Collegian Columnist October 26, 2023
For a lot of people, finding a popular costume that is fashionable can be a struggle. But if you want to know what the crowd has planned for this Halloween, make sure you get your hands on one of these highly sought-after costumes before they’re sold out in stores. 
Seriously: 5 ways to tell your roommate to fill the Brita

Seriously: 5 ways to tell your roommate to fill the Brita

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist October 18, 2023
Most of us know that roommate life has its perks — split rent, constant companionship, a brotherhood or sisterhood or whatever you like to call it — but along with sharing a room comes sharing commodities: a joint fridge, toilet paper that runs out twice as fast and, if you really like the person, maybe even a comb with the loving entanglement of both your hairs. Living with another person is an adjustment. But none of these lifestyle adjustments come close to sharing the demon that is the Brita filter.
A Ram fans STATE bus sits next to the Colorado State University Intramural Fields during a tailgate that took place before the Homecoming game against San Jose State University Oct. 9, 2021.

Seriously: Top things to avoid this Homecoming weekend

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist October 11, 2023
Homecoming season has officially descended upon Colorado State University. Alumni, faculty and students alike are gearing up for a week of traditional celebrations, sporting events and school spirit. Homecoming week is the highlight of the fall semester for many in the Fort Collins area.
Seriously: New study reveals the biology of a true Ram

Seriously: New study reveals the biology of a true Ram

Ivy Secrest, Content Managing Editor October 11, 2023

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s...

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