The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Seriously: CSU to offer new class Swearing Across Languages

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist • April 16, 2024

Looking to fulfill those pesky All-University Core Curriculum credit requirements? Well, there are now more options for students who are still in need of arts and humanities credits. Colorado State University students registering for the fall 2024 semester are now able to sign up for the newest foreign language class BS 420: Swearing Across Languages.

Seriously: Clark renovation plans change to McDonald’s PlayPlace

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • April 15, 2024

If you see kids around campus asking for a Happy Meal, they’re not asking about weed brownies. They just want McDonald's. The obnoxious construction going on around the Andrew G. Clark Building is driving students mad. With their daily walks to class rerouted, many have reported closing their eyes at night and hearing jackhammers. But what they don't know is that this renovation actually isn’t a renovation at all. In reality, Colorado State University is building something more ugly, congested and greasy than Clark itself.

Seriously: Latest dine-and-dash regimen just dropped

Addy Dollaghan, Collegian Columnist • April 11, 2024

On Wednesday night in Fort Collins, a restaurant packed to the gills with patrons suffered a massive financial loss when a group of 10 individuals flawlessly executed the age-old dine and dash. Throughout the evening, members of the group would “use the restroom” and then sneak out the front door of the Houver Priced Cuisine establishment. They timed their exits tactfully and spaced them out to not draw suspicion. The first nine had no issues, but pressure rested on the strong shoulders of the last member. If he failed to escape, the plan would collapse, and the group would be forced to pay.

Seriously: Thanks for continuing to ignore climate change

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • March 19, 2024

I love seeing your hairy toes peek through flip-flops in March — because that’s totally normal. I adore that you swam in Horsetooth Reservoir last week. Tears of joy seep from my eyes when you tell me your “personality is defrosting” because it’s 65 degrees outside.

Seriously: The aftermath of Nikki Haley suspending presidential campaign

Caden Proulx, Print Director • March 19, 2024

It was a typical Wednesday morning — or so I thought. I walked out of my room to broken coffee mugs shattered all over the floor, and none of my roommates were in sight.

Seriously: A letter from your neighborhood bear

Addy Dollaghan, Collegian Columnist • March 4, 2024

Dear humans: I’d like to start this off by noting that we’ve always had a decent relationship. You've left us to do what we do; we leave you to do the same. If either party encroaches on that line, justified consequences naturally ensue.

Seriously: Taylor Swift discusses her CO2 emissions in interview

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • February 29, 2024

Taylor Swift — after much negotiation and two subpoenas — flew from Denver to Fort Collins via her private jet to be interviewed about her carbon emissions with The Collegian.

Seriously: CSU student is convinced her roommate is a vampire

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist • February 26, 2024

Most people never think that horror movies can come to life. Stories about ghosts and monsters are simply tales to scare us. The idea of monsters being real is too far-fetched for anyone to give it a second thought.

Seriously: CSU’s newest fraternity is abstinence only

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • February 12, 2024

It is almost guaranteed that at least one Colorado State University fraternity will be throwing a party each weekend. CSU’s new abstinence frat is no different. Their door is always open to make friendship bracelets and play Just Dance.

Seriously: Student loses hard work moments before deadline

Hana Pavelko, Collegian Columnist • January 30, 2024

Professors recommend that students never leave an important assignment until the last minute. But who listens to those ridiculous suggestions? Marvin Dent, a physics Ph.D. student at Colorado State University, is now wishing that maybe he hadn't called those suggestions ridiculous.

Seriously: Ram-cademy awards: Here’s what CSU won

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • January 22, 2024

The academy award season has taken over America. With the Emmys and Golden Globes ceremonies out of the way it is now time for the Oscars to step in.

Seriously: Founding Fathers take over Fort Collins voting day

Emma Souza, Collegian Columnist • November 8, 2023

If you spot flowing white locks and a trenchcoat around town, it’s not your philosophy professor — it’s just James Madison. This past election day, unsuspecting Fort Collins locals reported several packs of wig-wearing, stocking-clad individuals at various voting sites across the city. They were later identified as the Founding Fathers.