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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian
The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

April Fools' Day

After drilling for oil and fracking began on CSU's Intramural Fields, the university feels that the oval may be an even better place to drill.

April Fools: CSU should start drilling for oil on The Oval

Major Star, Pirate Columnist • March 30, 2022
America is experiencing painfully high gas prices, which has led most Americans to start siphoning gas from local fire department trucks, and we all know how that's working out. So, you ask, what is Colorado State University doing to cash in on this gassy gold mine? Absolutely nothing. If you thought collecting tuition was a lucrative enterprise for CSU, just wait until you hear what a cash cow The Oval could be. 
After leaving his position as the Colorado State University football head coach to pursue his passion for automotive care, Jay Norvell stands proudly with his newly acquired uniform March 29. (Photo illustration by Look! A Seal | The Daily Bilge)

April Fools: CSU football coach Jay Norvell hired at local auto repair shop

May Cordell, Sprots Reprotre • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

After headphones were banned on campus, they now sit dormant on many students' desks March 29. (Piratish Lambino)

April Fools: Headphones and earbuds banned at CSU starting April 1

Plain Rice, Pirate Columnist • March 30, 2022
As of April 1, all forms of headphones and earbuds will be illegal on the Colorado State University campus. This official mandate is due to a unanimous vote by every individual over the age of 65 who has ever stepped foot on campus. The mandate provides a complete list of all prohibited listening devices. It includes all wired and wireless headphones and earbuds. The archaic but effective design of two metal cans attached by a string is also outlawed.
An indie boy sits on the couch and ponders the fact that Tame Impala is actually just one guy.

April Fools: How to be the ultimate indie bro in 5 simple steps

Mandy Error, your ex • March 30, 2022
Being an indie bro is quite hard. It takes a lot of work to look like you haven’t slept in weeks and don’t know how to use a washing machine. But don’t worry — we’ve got you covered.  
(Graphic illustration by First Mate Corndog on Tiermaker.)

April Fools: Nut tier list

First Mate Corndog, Nut Ranker • March 30, 2022

As journalists, we discuss a lot of controversial topics. From politics to war to deadly viruses, our newsroom has faced heated discussions and debates. Nothing has challenged our thinking, opened our...

(Graphic illustration by Sophia Sirokman | The Collegian)

April Fools: CAM the Ram cedes campaign for CSU mascot to campus squirrels

Nope Larceny, Licensed Shantier • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

(Graphic illustration by Bilebeard | The Daily Bilge)

April Fools: RAMweb crashes during ASCSU voting

Meow Hiss, Newz Reporter • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Come to Morgan's Grind for your daily dose of grass. (by Argh von Pirate)

April Fools: Morgan’s Grind to become dispensary

Hayden Harrrrley, Cannabis Director • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools: Nickelback invents revolutionary new genre: ‘sea shanty’

Nope Larceny, Licensed Shantier • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

An almost perfect picture taken by my mother during a campus tour.

April Fools: Photography is easy; do it yourself

Piratish Lambino, On the way out • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

The Administration building prepares for the commencement speech from nonother than Mr. World Wide. He was qualified to give the speech because he has been there, done that March 29.

April Fools: Pitbull to speak at commencement after Ramapalooza absence

Kato Babadook, Pitbull Enthusiast • March 30, 2022
After Colorado State University addressed rumors, telling its students Pitbull would not perform at Ramapalooza in 2021, the University confirmed he will instead speak at spring commencement.
A weed leaf with an x over it and a cigarette with a checkmark over it.

April Fools: LFTE: Collegian to end cannabis desk, focus on cigarettes

Hayden Harrrrley, Cigarettes Director • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

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