April Fools: LFTE: Collegian to end cannabis desk, focus on cigarettes


Creating a desk for cannabis was too easy and safe. As an alt-weekly paper it’s our job to be edgy and gritty for our reader ship. Consider this our emo phase.

Hayden Harrrrley, Cigarettes Director

Editor’s NoteThis is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Dear readers,


We are excited to share with you that The Collegian will be ending the cannabis desk at the conclusion of the spring 2022 semester. As we welcome a new staff of editors, writers, photographers and designers, we will also welcome a new direction and vision for this paper, and that means ignoring what’s new and trendy and committing to cigarettes.

We know cigarettes are important to a lot of our readers, and this community holds a long-standing presence in Fort Collins. Our hope with this desk is we will be able to share the stories, triumphs and difficulties faced by those who smoke and sell cigarettes. 

Originally, we planned to call this section the tobacco desk. However, after thinking about it for a while, we thought that was too general and nerdy and decided to just call it “The Cigarettes Desk.” 

“We’ll also be publishing commentary articles, highlighting topics like Hollywood’s war on tobacco depictions and discussing why ‘Mad Men’ is the greatest prestige TV show (it’s the cigarettes).”

Not everyone is eager to see cigarettes around their neighborhood or on their college campus. Even though our content may not interest all of our readers, we are glad to connect with that community to open up thoughtful, informed conversations. We are also glad to reach out to a community of readers who may feel cigarettes are an underrepresented topic.

Watch this space for exciting new content. If you enjoyed the cannabis section’s strain reviews, look forward to our new brand reviews, in which we’ll be investigating if Kent truly does filter best, or if Winston indeed “tastes good like a cigarette should.”

Our content will not be entirely focused on cigarettes themselves — we’ll also be publishing commentary articles, highlighting topics like Hollywood’s war on tobacco depictions and discussing why “Mad Men” is the greatest prestige TV show (it’s the cigarettes).

Thank you for your continued support of The Collegian and our increasingly desperate attempts not to look like total squares.

Reach The Pirates of the Collegian reporter Hayden Harrrrley at cannabis@collegian.com or on Twitter @hateonhawley.