The Rocky Mountain Collegian

April Fools’: Horoscopes April 1

Aria Bloom, Royal Astrologist • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: Psychology undergraduates now required to provide counseling services

Academic Proulxbation and Gennevieve Dressmann • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: ASCSU scraps democracy in favor of astrological decisions

Honoria Publicae, Reigning Expert on Honorable Politics • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: 5 baby names so good, you’ll time travel to make your parents rename you at birth

Slaydah Michael, Your Mom • March 31, 2024

Like, for real, start studying “Back to the Future” right now. These word names are no joke. When you’re done reading this list, you will want to tear up your own birth certificate, so be sure to make a few copies, and have your friends hide them from you before you proceed.

April Fools’: Taylor Swift brings Eras Tour to CSU, funds diverted from Clark renovation

Advil Seeker, Swiftie Correspondant • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: Amy Parsons’ private jet emissions outdo Taylor Swift’s

Iguana Secret, Expert Girlboss Blondie Hater • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: CSU’s Ram’s Horn Dining Center to expand overseas in Europe

Carmy Aioli, Staff Reporter • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: Bondi Beach Bar announces bold new marketing strategy

Brandy Alexander, Lowkey Bondi Enjoyer • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: Campus preacher quits religion for rapping

Ezekiel SoundCloud, Collegian Columnist • March 31, 2024

Beelzebub Christensen doesn’t follow God anymore — he claims his new Bible is Eminem’s "Lose Yourself." Christensen’s job as a campus preacher came to an abrupt end last Tuesday. After 15 years of recruiting Colorado State University students who exclusively wear suits and lost high schoolers on tours to join the Fort Collins Evangelist Church, Christensen had a different religious awakening.

April Fools’: CSU should insert trackers into students

Dominant Lee, Opinion Editor • March 31, 2024

Congratulations! You have signed your enrollment papers with Colorado State University and are ready for the next step: the insertion of a tracker into your neck. It's the perfect way for your new home to keep tabs on where you are at all times and help your instructors know if you really skipped their class because you had a doctor’s appointment or if you just slept in.

April Fools’: Recent NCAA softball rule change has players perplexed

Ye Olde Sewage, Rule Follower • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools’: Niko Medved creates basketball players in lab under Moby Arena

Blarrell Dair, Last Option • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools' Day