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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian
The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

April Fools' Day

A graphic of a ram with the phases of the moon around its head to the left of the words, Horoscopes by The Collegian, on a blue background of little constellations.

April Fools’: Horoscopes April 1

Aria Bloom, Royal Astrologist • March 31, 2024

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools': Campus preacher quits religion for rapping

April Fools’: Campus preacher quits religion for rapping

Ezekiel SoundCloud, Collegian Columnist • March 31, 2024
Beelzebub Christensen doesn’t follow God anymore — he claims his new Bible is Eminem’s "Lose Yourself." Christensen’s job as a campus preacher came to an abrupt end last Tuesday. After 15 years of recruiting Colorado State University students who exclusively wear suits and lost high schoolers on tours to join the Fort Collins Evangelist Church, Christensen had a different religious awakening.
Garmin Monterra GPS

April Fools’: CSU should insert trackers into students

Dominant Lee, Opinion Editor • March 31, 2024
Congratulations! You have signed your enrollment papers with Colorado State University and are ready for the next step: the insertion of a tracker into your neck. It's the perfect way for your new home to keep tabs on where you are at all times and help your instructors know if you really skipped their class because you had a doctor’s appointment or if you just slept in.
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