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April Fools’: Recent NCAA softball rule change has players perplexed

Collegian | Nelly Normandy

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Following the recent double-touch rule change in NCAA volleyball by the Women’s Volleyball Rules Committee, NCAA softball has announced a rule change of its own.


Soon enough, softball players will be running with their bats, reminiscent of softball’s English cousin, cricket. Because of this, Colorado State softball players will need to acclimate to the sport’s vast change.

“I’m not really sure why the NCAA decided to change the rules,” softball player Hayley Baseman said. “I think the change is entirely unfounded. This will change how we bat and how players look at the game.”

However, CSU softball is not new to controversy. Last year, reporter Emma Aspirin discovered a secret bunker underneath their field. This year, the team’s continued success playing at home is on the minds of rule-makers and fans alike.

“I think the NCAA is trying to suppress the success of CSU softball,” Baseman said. “The team is a powerhouse at home, and we only recently broke our undefeated home streak. Maybe they think carrying bats will make runs harder; I’m not sure. It’s suspicious for sure. Rule changes like this aren’t made out of the blue.”

As March Madness comes to a close and outdoor track ramps up, athletes are banding together to keep the sanctity of the rules.

Athletes from opposing sports like track, swimming and basketball started campaigning against the NCAA to keep their sports the way they want them at a protest down College Avenue April 1.

“Soon enough, we’ll be required to wear clown shoes in order to keep the court fair,” basketball player Isaiah Medved said. “It’s just ridiculous. Our sports should not be at the whim of the rules committee. This is like if the journalism rules at the Associated Press changed every year.”

The campaign is composed of protests and ad campaigns against the NCAA.

Signs said things like, “My sport, my choice,” and, “Hands off my bat!”


“I’m so impressed with the turnout,” student-athlete Anita Bribe said. “These protests show how many of us care about this issue. Athletes are by far the group facing the most discrimination on this campus, and we need to band together against those willing to change the rules without notice.”

Because of the massive turnout, the protest soon turned into a riot of colossal proportions, with athletes climbing on vehicles and burning local storefronts.

The rioters soon made their way toward the Colorado state Capitol, walking 58 miles on Interstate 25 and leaving havoc along their path.

When the rioters arrived at the Capitol building, senators could be seen running out, screaming to reverse the rule change.

“They deserve what’s coming for them,” Baseman said. “Don’t mess with student-athletes, or you’ll get the smoke.”

After the dust settled and the riot diminished, only three redshirt freshmen remained, all scrambling to try to prove themselves in order to earn playing time. All other remaining student-athletes were left standing in the aftermath, questioning the future of college athletics.

Many of them have started with bets on which sport is next, pulling from the money gained through name, image and likeness deals.

“I think it’s going to be track and field,” Bribe said. “Because the Mountain West men’s and women’s indoor track and field champs were both CSU and Mya Lesnar was named the Mountain West Women’s Female Athlete of the Year, it seems like the next course of action for the NCAA. But who knows — they could change rules in the middle of March Madness.”

After all, who knows what sport could be next?

Reach Ye Olde Sewage at or on Twitter @CSUCollegian.

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