April Fools: New softball fields provide opportunity for underground bunkers


Collegian | Trin Bonner

Emma Aspirin, Sports Reporter

Contrary to popular belief, Colorado State University’s new softball field isn’t what it seems. With the construction of the new fields coming to a close, we decided to take a deeper look into what is really going on.

While the construction may look like new softball fields, there’s more than meets the eye. Below the new fields is a series of bunkers for “emergency purposes.” Those emergency purposes aren’t the sole reason for the construction of the fields.


As many Colorado natives may know, the Denver International Airport isn’t just home to thousands of travelers and their transportation, it’s also a series of tunnels that connect to international safe havens for politicians.

Those tunnels are most notably connected to the North American Aerospace Defense Command, where Canada and the U.S. meet to discuss plans for global domination. However, the location of these headquarters is easily accessible and extremely easy to locate for people with negative intentions.

In order to prevent the U.S. and Canada’s most important government leaders, the U.S. has created a network of tunnels that can provide protection and a quick escape route in case of an emergency.

“Colorado State University’s campus provided the perfect opportunity to disguise government action,” said Amanda Lynn, a U.S. government official. “Everyone knows construction on college campuses takes forever, so using the long construction time was the perfect opportunity to construct a series of bunkers.”

The bunkers were to be used only for emergency situations, Lynn said. However, upon further review, the luxuries within those bunkers say otherwise. In one bunker, there’s an entire sauna and pool area. In another, there are luxurious meeting rooms with their own Avengers-style touch screens.

“I can’t really say much about the connection of the bunkers under the fields to any other Colorado conspiracies,” said Joe King, head of construction for the fields. “They will provide a safe haven for the highest government officials, and they do connect to DIA and NORAD, but that’s all I can really say.”

With the completion of the fields getting closer by the day, it is important to note that the safety of CSU was not considered during the plan to construct secret bunkers.

“I mean, yeah, the bunkers are in the middle of a college campus in a pretty large town, but those were risks we were willing to take,” Lynn said. “For the most part, Fort Collins is pretty isolated, and we doubt there would be much notice of a local college softball field being remodeled.”

With some concerns being raised about the safety of the school following the construction of the bunkers, Lynn was sure to ensure the safety of the school. The cover of the softball fields is perfect and an almost infallible disguise.


Reach Emma Askren at sports@collegian.com or on Twitter @emma_askren.