Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Ram’s Horn Dining Center is a staple for multiple Colorado State University students who have access to meal swipes, but it doesn’t have much reach outside of that — until recently.

On Nov. 3, 2023, world-famous English food critic Charles Bisque III visited his son, Charles Bisque IV, at Colorado State University’s campus. Together, they walked around campus, enjoyed the sun on the Intramural Fields and then finally got lunch at Ram’s Horn.

Once they grew hungry for lunch, Charles Bisque III thought it would be humorous to bring his father to the nearest dining hall to see his reaction to the food, which Charles Bisque III wasn’t a fan of.

“We were so close to a dining hall, and we were both famished,” Charles Bisque III said. “I thought it would be interesting for my father to see where us blokes eat here in the states, innit?”

However, much to Charles Bisque III’s surprise, his father was intrigued by the food.

“I was fully expecting my father to tear apart the food, innit?” Charles Bisque IV said. “I mean, he’s had some of the most exquisite dishes from across the world, bruv. He took one bite of the noodles he had prepared at the Mongolian Grill and went speechless. Blimey — I thought he was going to get sick, but instead, he cleaned the bowl within five minutes and got up to try the rest, innit?”

Charles Bisque IV said his father got one item of food from each station at the dining hall to try. He also noted that his father was especially impressed with the burgers that had been sitting in the food station window for hours.

“Bloody magnificent — that’s all I have to say about Ram’s Horn,” Charles Bisque IV said. “The spectacular flavors of the chicken tenders and noodles dancing upon my tastebuds was one of the best culinary experiences I have ever had in my life. Bravo, Ram’s Horn. I’m dead chuffed.”

After returning to London, Charles Bisque III contacted his favorite Michelin star restaurant, Bonne Nourriture, to pitch a grand idea to the head chef, Francois SousVide. 

“Once Charles brought Ram’s Horn to my attention, I was immediately fascinated,” SousVide said. “A large food hall with some of the best world food in one area, while keeping the utmost attention to food quality, is something I couldn’t have ever imagined.” 

Charles Bisque IV and SousVide funded five restaurants themselves to show Europe the greatness of Ram’s Horn.

They intend to keep the same rotation of food items as served in the Ram’s Horn Dining Center, including cheeseburgers, chicken tenders, pastries and, of course, the Mongolian Grill.

“We anticipate our London, Rome, Munich, Brussels and Prague locations to open jointly about one year from now,” SousVide said. “Charles and I took it upon ourselves to expose Europe to the delicacy that is Ram’s Horn.”

Locations are anticipated to open in early 2025. If you’re studying abroad, keep an eye out: You may have the opportunity to dine at a familiar and delectable spot.

Reach Carmy Aioli at life@collegian.com or on Twitter @CSUCollegian.