Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
International pop sensation Taylor Swift recently announced she is bringing her groundbreaking The Eras Tour concert to Canvas Stadium at Colorado State University.
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The concert, which was announced for May 8, will see Swift downgrading in size from playing for 96,000 people in Melbourne to playing for 41,000 lucky Rams and other Swifties.
Since the announcement, The Collegina has confirmed that the $2.5 million allocated to the event for Swift’s contract — outfitting the Canvas Stadium for the concert and including advertising and production expenses — was initially supposed to be put toward renovating the C wing of the Andrew G. Clark Building, which is currently pausing renovation.
“When we were weighing our options, we really looked toward the future of what we want to see for CSU,” said Betty Karman, CSU spokesperson. “And in the end, we decided that the publicity and revenue Swift will bring to CSU will far outweigh the benefits of renovating Clark in terms of attracting prospective students. We have a return-on-investment plan and hope to resume renovations on Clark by 2027.”
Karman confirmed that the revenue generated from Swift’s tour will first be used to re-outfit the Lory Student Center and Canvas Stadium before contributing to Clark.
In an exclusive interview, Swift said that while CSU was not the school that offered her the most money, CSU’s world-class veterinary program for her three cats, Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith, is what swayed her to bring her tour to Canvas Stadium.
“My cats are my biggest supporters when I’m on the road,” Swift said in a phone interview. “I always have them in the VIP tent with other family members during shows, and their care is of the utmost importance to me.”
Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith will make a ceremonial visit to the CSU Veterinary Teaching Hospital with Swift May 7. The event is ticketed and restricted to university administrators only, although enthusiastic students are planning to line up on West Drake Road to catch a glimpse of the animal celebrities.
Tickets for the one-night-only show are expressly forbidden for resale. Students interested in obtaining VIP tickets must enter a Hunger Games-style lottery system, with two winners being drawn from each department weekly and then fighting each other to the death. Each member of the CSU administration, athletic leadership and CSU System Board of Governors is invited to attend at no cost.
For community fans, a select number of tickets will be distributed around Fort Collins in locations corresponding with Easter eggs recognizable by true Swifties.
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“Honestly, I’m taking my chances trying to find a ticket,” said Willow Carolina, a first-year exploratory studies student who The Collegina found wearing a The Eras Tour sweatshirt, The Eras Tour sweatpants, a Taylor Swift ball cap and a pair of 2006 Taylor Swift Keds and making friendship bracelets on South College Avenue. “I’m hoping there’s some connection between College Avenue and Cornelia Street.”
Other Swifties are hopeful the CSU stop will finally be where Swift decides to announce the highly anticipated album “Reputation (Taylor’s Version).”
“I haven’t slept in weeks,” said Daisy Clyde, a senior zoology student focusing on reptilian sciences. “I just know that CSU is where she’ll announce Rep. Our school color is green — the same color as The Eras Tour wristbands during the Reputation set — and the date, May 8, adds to 13. She’s such a genius.”
The Collegina intends to cover the concert but was informed that our press pass was given instead to CAM the Ram for floor-seat access on the field.
Reach Advil Seeker at entertainment@collegian.com or on Twitter @allie_seibel_.
