The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
5 Strategies for Landing Your Dream Job After Graduation
July 11, 2024

Graduated and feeling lost about your next steps? Looking to set up your life, find a good job, and earn money? Who doesn’t want that, right?...

Our Print Edition
Courtesy of Democratic Socialists of America Fort Collins
Palestine Benefit Concert supports local families through art, music
Cadence Cardona, Staff Reporter • July 14, 2024
National: Shooting at Trump rally leaves attendee dead, violence condemned by Colorado politicians
National: Shooting at Trump rally leaves attendee dead, violence condemned by Colorado politicians
Allie Seibel, Editor in Chief • July 14, 2024
A graphic of a mother and daughter walking down a red, white and blue striped path facing fireworks in the distance. At the base of the path is a small brown truck.
Fort Collins' annual Independence Day Parade draws international crowd
Sophia Masia, Staff Reporter • July 9, 2024
In an indoor gym, a woman track athlete holds a shotput ball above her head in preparation to throw.
Morris, Lesnar, Hawkins represent Rams in US Summer Olympics team trials
Adam Gross, Staff Reporter • July 7, 2024
View All
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
5 Strategies for Landing Your Dream Job After Graduation
July 11, 2024

Graduated and feeling lost about your next steps? Looking to set up your life, find a good job, and earn money? Who doesn’t want that, right?...

April Fools’: Horoscopes April 1

A+graphic+of+a+ram+with+the+phases+of+the+moon+around+its+head+to+the+left+of+the+words%2C+Horoscopes+by+The+Collegian%2C+on+a+blue+background+of+little+constellations.
Collegian | Brooke Beresford

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Horoscopes can be applied to your sun, moon and rising signs!

Ad

Dear stars,

This week has a spooky vibe to it already, doesn’t it? But since you all enjoy the horoscopes, I’ll gladly share my insights!

With a dash of mischief, 

A Sagittarius Moon

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Aries (March 21 – April 19):

Uh oh, Aries! This week does not seem to be on your side! Be careful on your way to the Rec Center, as mischievous squirrels may be lurking around, ready to steal your workout equipment! But hey, laughter is the best medicine, so feel free to find a bit of humor in this situation!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):

Hey there, Taurus! I advise you to stay out of cooking and baking this week! You could end up burning your cookies and everything you make! I know this is unfortunate, but fear not! Embrace the chaos because we all know you thrive when life throws unexpected challenges your way!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Gemini (May 21 – June 20):

Did you accidentally wear your shirt inside out today, Gemini? Well, consider this as a sneak peek of the cosmic chaos headed your way this week! Wardrobe malfunctions will be a common theme you’ll experience! From mismatched socks to backward buttons, the universe has you shaking up your style! But don’t worry, you’ll still look pretty cool!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Cancer (June 21 – July 22):

Hey, Cancer! As bizarre as it sounds, rumor has it that you might stumble across an abandoned UFO this week! Apparently, the aliens have been planning to fire it up, sing campfire songs and roast marshmallows! You are welcome to join them if you wish!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22):

A leprechaun is on its way to you this week, making life a little weird! Don’t be surprised if you find your morning cup of coffee transforming into a cup of confetti and your routine taking an unexpected detour! Leprechauns are usually supposed to bring you some laughter, so it’s good you’ll be able to find the light in it all, Leo!

Ad

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 23):

You are observant and good at spotting things! If you decide to go on a hike this week, you may just catch a glimpse of a sasquatch in the wild! I’d try to take a photo! But beware, Virgo, as sasquatches are known for their mischievous nature!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22):

You love debating, Libra, and believe in the fundamentals of communication! I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Mercury, the planet of communication, is leaving the chat this week! Prepare for your worst nightmare: losing arguments!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21):

Have you ever seen a scorpion in real life, Scorpio? Don’t be startled if one decides to hop on your shoulder and starts to tag along with you! It just wants to be your friend — I promise!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21):

Be careful with your elbows this week, Sagittarius! Your funny bones are extra sensitive at this time! A slight tap could cause you to experience fits of uncontrollable laughter!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19):

Remember that pet rock you made when you were about 7 years old, Capricorn? Well, get ready because it’s going to reappear in your life again this week! Take it for a stroll, and give it some love! It’s been so long since it last saw you!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb 18):

I know this is an unusual prediction, Aquarius, but you are destined to sit on a whoopee cushion this week! Whether it’s at home, work or out in public, keep your eyes wide open, and inspect every seat! Don’t hesitate to ask others for assistance!

(Illustration by Amy Noble, Rachel Macias, Katrina Clasen | The Collegian)

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20):

The start of this week is particularly strange, Pisces! Brace yourself for a surprise! Rumor has it that a secret admirer of yours is planning to serenade you with a kazoo band right in front of your peers! How romantic!

Reach Aria Bloom at entertainment@collegian.com or on Twitter @CSUCollegian.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *