The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: Dr. Supercomputer’s Ransom

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: Dr. Supercomputer’s Ransom

February 5, 2015

Welcome to the third edition of your second favorite lemon-themed Lemonade Newsletter! As our avid reader is probably aware, we still have not addressed the ransom note that has been sitting patiently...

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: In response to our numerous critics

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: In response to our numerous critics

February 1, 2015

Welcome back to the How ‘Bout Them Lemons weekly newsletter! Sharp-eyed readers may remember that at the end of last week’s edition, we had discovered a mysterious ransom note. Don’t worry—we’ll...

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: Washed-up writers start lemonade stand

How ‘Bout Them Lemons Newsletter: Washed-up writers start lemonade stand

January 23, 2015

Welcome to the first edition of How ‘Bout Them Lemons’ weekly newsletter! We were lost and directionless after The Hall Monitor-Herald shut down, but now we’re back on our feet with a spiffy,...

Allison Hall is the oldest dorm building on campus. Spoons is located in the main lobby.

Passive-aggressive RA throws apology-themed hall party

Hall-Monitor Herald September 19, 2014

Note: This column is satirical. Following a month of neglect, mockery and abuse at the hand of his residents, Allison Hall inhabitant Brendan Busby threw an apology-themed party for his hall. Eyewitnesses...

Freshman realizes Human Burgers are people

Freshman realizes Human Burgers are people

Hall-Monitor Herald September 9, 2014

Note: This column is satirical The Colorado State University community was shocked this week after freshman Cole Oppenheim discovered that Corbett Dining Hall’s famous “Human Burger”™ is composed...

Fine line between performance art and public defecation

Fine line between performance art and public defecation

August 1, 2014

Note: This column is satirical At a recent press conference, police Chief Benjamin Wadsworth stated that his department will no longer tolerate acts of vandalism under the guise of artistic expression,...

CSU anthropology professors uncover The True Meaning of Love

CSU anthropology professors uncover ‘The True Meaning of Love’

July 25, 2014

Note: This article is satirical In spite of their oft-cited claims that “love is a construct” and “I’ll probably just die alone,” Colorado State University anthropology Professors Jack Delby...

CSU’s terrifying new screens keep threatening doom for some reason

CSU’s terrifying new screens keep threatening doom for some reason

July 18, 2014

Note: This article is satirical An uneasy quiet spread throughout the Fort Collins community this past month after several LED screens foretelling the impending apocalypse materialized on Colorado State...

Water Closet Weekly changes name following legal scandal

Water Closet Weekly changes name following legal scandal

April 22, 2014

For two years, we here at the publication formerly known as The Water Closet Weekly have been committed to high-quality journalism, low-quality beef and, on occasion, our significant others. It is with...

WCW Investigates the Terrifying Effects of Marijuana-Cannabis-Weed-Plant

WCW Investigates the Terrifying Effects of Marijuana-Cannabis-Weed-Plant

April 14, 2014

  Larimer County’s first retail cannabis dispensary, Choice Organics, opened on April 9, and we here at The Water Closet Weekly decided it was our journalistic duty to report on this historic...

Drag co-chair Nick Delgado dances with the SOGLBT cabinet to open up the Drag Show in the Lory Student Center Theater Saturday afternoon. The annual SOGLBT drag show included a day and night performance and raised money for the Northern Colorado Aids Project.

CSU Drag Show turns into drag race

April 7, 2014

Audience members were shocked and delighted last week when the annual CSU Drag Show turned into a drag race. Those present report that this year’s SOGLBT Drag Show was proceeding along as normal until...

President Tony Frank addresses the board of governers at their Regular Board Meeting on Friday. The board elected Dorothy Horrel of Wheat Ridge as chair at this meeting.

Tony Frank confirms LSC Truther conspiracy theories

April 1, 2014

In his 40th consecutive press conference of the spring semester, Tony Frank admitted Tuesday that the destruction of the Lory Student Center was an inside job, thus confirming long held conspiracy theories...

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