Rams’ Rede,
I don’t know what my problem is, but I hate being in relationships. Every time I “settle down,” the girl turns crazy soon after and then I have to deal with all of this drama and it’s not nearly as much fun as being single. What do I do? I can’t be a toxic bachelor forever.
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Bachelor
Dear Bachelor,
The first thing you have to tackle is the kinds of women that you’re attracted to. Women are crazy; it happens to the best of them. But, not all of them are needy, clingy or otherwise awful to be around. There are women out there who make your life better by being in it — the challenge is finding these women.
So what it sounds like is that your little head is doing all of the picking. There are a lot of beautiful women here at CSU, but some of them are both beautiful and psychologically unstable. If you are concerned solely about looks, and care less about intellectual compatibility, then the crazy girls are going to be the ones that you attract.
And why? Because their self-esteem is low enough that they are concerned with how they look, and only concerned with how they look. They are seeking the validation of whoever will give them attention, which is your cue. You come in and shower them with attention and validation, and they feed off that. So then when you get overwhelmed by having them demand time and attention, they get a little crazy.
But, if you turn your tracker towards the women who concentrate on themselves and school, then they aren’t going to care about whether you are available or not. They are far less likely to demand anything extra from you, because they are independent women who don’t need your validation. Look for women who focus on more than the brand of mascara that gives them optimal length — pursue women who are focused on a career in the future.
The other thing is that you don’t seem to be doing relationships right. When you are in a committed, loving relationship, it should be the more fulfilling then being alone. When you have someone to share everything with, and they will love you regardless, that is something that you can’t replace with any number of one night stands. In a relationship, you have a partner in life, and that can be the most fulfilling thing ever.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had relationship trouble in the past. But, don’t let that cloud your thinking of the institution as a whole. Relationships themselves are not something to shy away from. If you find someone that you could see yourself waking up next to them every day and be happy about it, then that is something that you should pursue.
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Keep in mind that you will be held accountable. You will have to check in with her every once and a while and be accountable to someone other than yourself. Work will have to be put into it, and you get just as much out of it as you put in. If you are willing to work and make it work, then go for it. With the right woman, at the right time, you won’t even remember your single life.
