Dave’s Marketplace: tramp stamps bounce back

Davis English

Note: This article is satirical.

The United States Postal Service has recently issued a new postage stamp that is being celebrated nationwide. Much like the Liberty Bell Stamp, this new stamp celebrates the long and colorful history of our nation with class and grace.


The new Tramp Stamp features a timeless piece of American history that must not be forgotten – the trampoline.

Since our inception as a country in 1776, the fine men and women who call America home have been looking for a way to jump higher to look over their neighbors’ fences. This call did not go unanswered.

In March of 1815, General Billiam Clintonson created the very first prototype of what we now know as the modern trampoline. The nation rejoiced and declared the entire season to be known as “spring” to commemorate the monumental discovery that Clintonson made that fateful year.

Later, in October of 1875, Clintonson’s daughter, Chelsea, broke her arm after falling off a trampoline. In memoriam of Chelsea’s arm, Congress declared that entire season to be known as “fall.”

Tramp Stamps are flying off the shelves at post offices across the country, and trampoline enthusiasts are going wild for the new expressive postal markings.

Junior crayon studies major and judo critic Channie Condo has purchased countless Tramp Stamps with all of her relatives.

“I can’t get enough Tramp Stamps,” Condo said. “In fact, just last week, my grammy went and got over 200 Tramp Stamps in one day. Her back hurt a little bit, but she kept on pushing.”

Tramp Stamps are said to have sold over 1.6 million stamps in the past week alone as a result of their wild popularity.

They are beautiful and trendy, but they also mean so much. As we marvel at the glory of the Tramp Stamp, we mustn’t forget what it stands for – American ingenuity and bravery at its finest.

Dave’s Marketplace Contributor Davis English can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.