Based on the Ramtalk:

“This guy in my FTEC 110 class is playing with silly putty… I’m waiting for the right moment to take it away from him so I can play with it.”

Toys were the best when we were young, but we hated them when they didn’t work right.  How annoying would it be if the Legos weren’t stacking together, or the Play-Doh came out of the jar hard as a rock?

Thank heavens we’re older now and we don’t have to deal with toys malfunctioning; mostly because we simply don’t play with toys anymore. It comes as no surprise that students at CSU are unaware that one of their favorite childhood toys, Silly Putty, has gone from toy to nightmare.

Insanely, the workers at the Silly Putty factory in Pennsylvania have been replaced with robots. These clunking machines roll around the factory floor spatting “beep boop” at each other, attempting to make quality Silly Putty. One of the robots dumped what it thought was the elastic chemicals into the vat of puddy, but it turned out to be a very sticky glue.

Children everywhere are frightened by the intense sticking effect of the glue, and one student from CSU who was feeling nostalgic is frightened, too.

“I wanted to feel like a little kid again, so I went to the toy store and got some Silly Putty,” said Nick E. B., junior astronaut major. “I pulled it out in class and played with it and my hands were instantly stuck together. We had a test and I couldn’t even hold a pencil!”

Rubert Tooz-Dae is in Nick E.B.’s class and he’s angry that E.B. won’t share the Silly Putty.

“I want to play, too,” said Tooz-Dae. “That stingy guy over there never hands over the putty, it’s like he can’t to let it go or something.”

Tooz-Dae has no idea about the stickiness defect in the Silly Putty, and that Nick E.B. is actually being tortured by the toy. E.B. plans on raising awareness for Silly Putty torture by handing out putty to all the students of CSU. He’ll first have to figure out how to free one of his hands.

Collegian Entertainment Reporter Steven Jacobs can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.