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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Opinion

A CSU Surveillance Goose flies away from campus after being laid off due to having no students to watch amid the COVID-19 pandemic. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Seriously: CSU film students strap cameras to campus geese with shocking results

Callum Burke, Collegian Columnist April 3, 2022
In an outrageous attempt to enhance their video-taking capabilities, Colorado State University film students have pushed the boundaries yet again — only this time, it appears they have bitten off more than they can chew. Last week, film students attached a GoPro camera and GPS tile to a small collar and strapped it to a goose in hopes of attaining new point-of-view angles and potentially cool aerial perspectives of campus and Fort Collins. Unfortunately, they discovered events much more sinister than they could have ever imagined.
After drilling for oil and fracking began on CSU's Intramural Fields, the university feels that the oval may be an even better place to drill.

April Fools: CSU should start drilling for oil on The Oval

Major Star, Pirate Columnist March 30, 2022
America is experiencing painfully high gas prices, which has led most Americans to start siphoning gas from local fire department trucks, and we all know how that's working out. So, you ask, what is Colorado State University doing to cash in on this gassy gold mine? Absolutely nothing. If you thought collecting tuition was a lucrative enterprise for CSU, just wait until you hear what a cash cow The Oval could be. 
After headphones were banned on campus, they now sit dormant on many students' desks March 29. (Piratish Lambino)

April Fools: Headphones and earbuds banned at CSU starting April 1

Plain Rice, Pirate Columnist March 30, 2022
As of April 1, all forms of headphones and earbuds will be illegal on the Colorado State University campus. This official mandate is due to a unanimous vote by every individual over the age of 65 who has ever stepped foot on campus. The mandate provides a complete list of all prohibited listening devices. It includes all wired and wireless headphones and earbuds. The archaic but effective design of two metal cans attached by a string is also outlawed.
(Graphic illustration by First Mate Corndog on Tiermaker.)

April Fools: Nut tier list

First Mate Corndog, Nut Ranker March 30, 2022

As journalists, we discuss a lot of controversial topics. From politics to war to deadly viruses, our newsroom has faced heated discussions and debates. Nothing has challenged our thinking, opened our...

(Graphic illustration by Bilebeard | The Daily Bilge)

April Fools: RAMweb crashes during ASCSU voting

Meow Hiss, Newz Reporter March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

A graphic of an angry man and woman with a friendship rainbow behind them.

April Fools: Men and women can never be ‘just friends’

Burnt Egg, Professional Gossip March 30, 2022
As a college kid, you may have come across the sentiment that guys and girls can never be simply friends due to their innate attraction to one another, leaving no space for platonic love — only sex; however, I’d take it one step further and say men and women should never be friends in the first place.  As a certified girl’s girl — a glitter-loving, dramatic and taking-up-more-space-than-allocated girl — I have the wits about me to say it’s not that girls can’t be friends with men, it’s that we biologically should not be friends with them. We’re just wired differently.
Lopez: Stop questioning the legitimacy of transgender athletes

Lopez: Stop questioning the legitimacy of transgender athletes

Dominique Lopez, Collegian Columnist March 30, 2022
From a young age, we're taught we can play sports, be a part of the arts or just simply be anything we want. If we chose to play those childhood sports, that often meant we played on small coed teams; that was the norm. It wasn’t until we reached our middle and high school years that teams began to be shaped by gender.

Meltzner: Streaming services are preying on younger users’ wallets

JD Meltzner, Opinion Editor March 29, 2022
Recently, Netflix made two major changes to its business model that target the wallets of its customers, specifically those in the 18-28 age range.  These moves specifically target this demographic and do so because of the hostage market that represents the 20-somethings age range. Netflix knows this, doesn’t care how predatory it is and is doing it anyway.

Tusinski: Normalize sex but not oversharing

Dylan Tusinski, Collegian Columnist March 28, 2022
The other day, I was at a small house party. I was hanging out with a group of four or five people, and for whatever reason, we were talking about various injuries and illnesses we'd had over the years. I mentioned I'd broken one of my toes while playing hockey, a girl mentioned she'd once gotten pneumonia and then another girl blurted out she'd gotten chlamydia from her ex. The conversation lulled for a minute as we all took in what we just heard. Obviously, there's nothing really wrong with having chlamydia — or any other sexually transmitted infection for that matter — but it felt so out of place to hear that mentioned out loud among virtual strangers.
Gross: COVID-19 effects will never fully end for Gen Z

Gross: COVID-19 effects will never fully end for Gen Z

Dillon Gross, Collegian Columnist March 27, 2022
So much of our lives are measured by our years in school. There’s always the next step for students currently in the school system. It goes from elementary school to middle school to high school and then, possibly, to college. For at least 12 years, there’s a clearly defined next step we can rely on. Within each grade, there’s a very set routine students follow: Get up every day, go to school, talk to friends, do an extracurricular activity, go home and do homework, then sleep. Rinse and repeat. 
Cappuccino inside Proper Grounds Coffee in Lafayette, Colorado. (Brooke Buchan | Collegian)

Henry: For a culture that hates addiction, we drink a lot of caffeine

Brendan Henry, Collegian Columnist March 27, 2022
There is nothing quite like a nice cup of coffee to get the day started, at least according to the about 150 million American coffee drinkers. It provides a nice burst of jitters to get us just anxious enough to pull through the day and helps avoid the headache that comes when the caffeine deprivation kicks in. We do this to ourselves pretty much every day despite the drawbacks.
A photo illustration of someone waiting to deliver flowers in a relationship March 28. (Collegian | Skyler Pradhan)

McKissick: Your relationship should take work, but it shouldn’t be hard

Nathaniel McKissick, Collegian Columnist March 27, 2022
Should romantic relationships be hard? You may have heard as much from a parent, an aunt or uncle, a friend or a sibling when deep in the throes of a tumultuous relationship yourself, but were they right? While it may be true that relationships take work, they should not be outright difficult all the time.
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