America’s Founding Fathers prided themselves on creating a free country for its citizens, especially one where people could speak unencumbered by government restrictions. Controversies surrounding free speech have become more prominent in recent years; for example, Harrison Butker’s commencement speech at Benedictine College in May ignited significant backlash for his anti-LGBTQIA+ comments and misogynistic undertones. Similarly, many Colorado State University students were outraged at Riley Gaines’ presence on campus in April due to her outward scorn for transgender athletes competing in sports.

Over a dozen plaintiffs are coming forward and suing online shopping forum Temu for $420 million after allegedly getting unintentionally lobotomies by headsets manufactured and sold by the company. Temu’s new virtual reality goggles gave plaintiffs both partial and full lobotomies to users who bought the goggles to try and save some money.

On Wednesday night in Fort Collins, a restaurant packed to the gills with patrons suffered a massive financial loss when a group of 10 individuals flawlessly executed the age-old dine and dash. Throughout the evening, members of the group would “use the restroom” and then sneak out the front door of the Houver Priced Cuisine establishment. They timed their exits tactfully and spaced them out to not draw suspicion. The first nine had no issues, but pressure rested on the strong shoulders of the last member. If he failed to escape, the plan would collapse, and the group would be forced to pay.

Dear humans: I’d like to start this off by noting that we’ve always had a decent relationship. You've left us to do what we do; we leave you to do the same. If either party encroaches on that line, justified consequences naturally ensue.