March 2022 - The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Friday’s Fool’s Fest, Full of Fun!

March 31, 2022

Blast N Scrap and KCSU are partnering to bring you Fools’ Fest, a concert presenting six local bands on April Fools’ Day. Fools’ Fest will be held on the Lory Student Center West Lawn...

$After drilling for oil and fracking began on CSU's Intramural Fields, the university feels that the oval may be an even better place to drill.$

April Fools: CSU should start drilling for oil on The Oval

Major Star, Pirate Columnist • March 30, 2022

America is experiencing painfully high gas prices, which has led most Americans to start siphoning gas from local fire department trucks, and we all know how that's working out. So, you ask, what is Colorado State University doing to cash in on this gassy gold mine? Absolutely nothing. If you thought collecting tuition was a lucrative enterprise for CSU, just wait until you hear what a cash cow The Oval could be.

April Fools: CSU football coach Jay Norvell hired at local auto repair shop

May Cordell, Sprots Reprotre • March 30, 2022

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools: Headphones and earbuds banned at CSU starting April 1

Plain Rice, Pirate Columnist • March 30, 2022

As of April 1, all forms of headphones and earbuds will be illegal on the Colorado State University campus. This official mandate is due to a unanimous vote by every individual over the age of 65 who has ever stepped foot on campus. The mandate provides a complete list of all prohibited listening devices. It includes all wired and wireless headphones and earbuds. The archaic but effective design of two metal cans attached by a string is also outlawed.