Rego: How to satisfy your partners during a threesome

Shay Rego

Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board.

Many individuals are completely satisfied with having sex with one monogamous partner at a time. However, there are also those that fantasize about having a party in the bedroom. Specifically, I’m talking about having a threesome.

Ad

Sexual exploration is a known aspect of college — it’s especially a time to live out our fantasies. According to Men’s Health, lesbian porn is the number one most popular porn category over the last decade, which lends itself to a man’s direct interest in a threesome with two women.

Overall, it’s a fairly common category of sexual interest. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 82% of men and 31% of women were interested in a mixed-gender threesome. Curiosity and genuine sexual desire — and sometimes a little alcohol to ease the tension — are some of the driving forces of a threesome.

There are many different ways of constructing a threesome. There’s also a stigma surrounding threesomes where people typically believe threesomes can be unhygienic. There are also those who are afraid of jealousy or being the third wheel in a threesome with their partner.

There’s also the double standard for men versus women who partake in threesomes. For example, a study conducted at New Mexico State University found that women who participated in threesomes received more negative feedback than men.

Now, let’s jump right into the social etiquette surrounding a threesome, if you choose to partake.

First, there’s all singles threesomes, which have three single individuals who choose to have sex with each other. This could be three really good friends who are all in a curious mindset or three complete strangers.

The most important thing about a threesome with three single individuals is discussing boundaries beforehand. Since no one is in a relationship, it can be difficult to know exactly how far each person is willing to go. Boundaries and safe words are always a good idea when having sex with two new people.

Then there’s the relationship threesome. Typically, it’s two people in a committed relationship accompanied by a unicorn. A unicorn is a (typically female) single individual interested in having a threesome with other couples. Many Rams can turn to Tinder to find their unicorn. 

A good rule of thumb is always letting your partner pick the unicorn. Giving them the agency to pick will help them be less apprehensive; it will combat the worry that the unicorn will be hotter or perform better than them. If that’s the case, the partner picking the unicorn should choose someone that’s slightly less attractive than either partner to reassure their self-esteem.

Ad

If you’re the unicorn, your job is to respect the relationship you’re walking into. A unicorn should provide another set of sexual pleasures. Most importantly, the unicorn’s job is not to be emotional. They shouldn’t be a friend to either partner or pursue a personal connection after the sex. If a unicorn is not respectful of their boundaries, they can cause rifts in said relationships.

One of the most important aspects of having a threesome while in a relationship is to prioritize your partner. Of course, you should give equal attention to the unicorn. However, it’s important to remember that the unicorn is there for sexual satisfaction in your relationship. You should still prioritize your partner; it’s all about balance. Things like making eye contact with your partner while touching the unicorn will reassure your partner it’s still all about them.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 82% of men and 31% of women were interested in a mixed-gender threesome.”

Most threesomes are typically a mix of genders. For men in heterosexual relationships, for example, it’s probably best to suggest your interest — but never directly ask for it.

Let the woman bring it up. It can be a turn off for a man to ask for something a woman is unsure of. Your partner is more likely to feel comfortable with a threesome if you let her take the lead.

There’s also same-sex threesomes. These have a bit more of a level playing field than a heterosexual partnership. They allow for more open conversations to happen without gendered power dynamics.

There’s also an etiquette about leaving after a threesome. In a relationship, it’s important to give special, extra personal attention to your partner after the unicorn leaves. As a unicorn, never initiate interactions with the couple again unless they call upon you. This will help to reduce any sexual jealousy from either partner after the fact.

As a group of singles, be respectful of privacy; don’t go around gossiping about it, and don’t bring it up with those involved unless there was an explicit agreement that it’s a safe topic of conversation.

Don’t feel discouraged if you and your partner are having difficulties finding that unicorn or if you’re a single individual hoping to walk into a threesome situation. Be proud of your sexual endeavors, and safely explore your options. Just remember the basic three-way etiquette.

Shay Rego can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @shay_rego.