Things that would have made the election more interesting

Res SteckerOkay so the ASCSU election is over, and wow if that wasn’t the most exciting thing of the year. Personally, I was caught up in all the hype and anticipation of election days, carefully researching each candidate and running scenarios of what each side’s election would mean for the university.

Psyche.

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One would be hard-pressed to find anyone who gave more than two licks about the election, at least a general student not involved in government or campus life. So, you know, one of several thousand people that will not bother to vote.

I think that the above statement is sad but generally true, and I think I know some of the reasons why.

First, ASCSU is little more than an extra (large) fee on our semester bill to the majority of students, which immediately turns people away from a program. This is because it is hard to charge people money and get them to like you if you’re not clearly showing them any benefits they will get in return.

That is the primary reason that many people are turned off by ASCSU. A second reason is because student government people are closed off inside the LSC judiciously making decisions on behalf of students, but there is hardly ever an obvious report on what is actually going on in there. And I think if students knew you guys actually did something every day, there would be greater interest in electing someone to do it. (Whatever that is.)

That being said, the final reason that many students will not participate in the election is because some of those ideas and platforms that the candidates ran on were so bland and unspecific it is hard to get excited by them. Instead, I would propose new platforms that future candidates can run on that will actually engage the student body.

First up is an issue both near and dear to my heart: the quality of toilet paper in campus restrooms. I mean seriously, each student pays $20,000+ to attend this university, and yet we cannot get any sort of comfortable wipers? This is not an area where the university should cheap out, as anything that goes in that area needs to be of some decent quality.

I am not expecting Charmin Ultra Strong or anything, but when I have to gather up half the roll just to make it into a usable form, it becomes a room of struggle, not a room of rest. I know ASCSU can do something about this, and any candidate advocating improved TP quality would garner many votes indeed.

Second, I think there needs to be more campus-inclusive activities put on by our students in power. I mean concerts by bands no one has heard of are great, but how about something a little more, I don’t know, ambitious?

I want to suggest we have one day out of the year where we try to get all the CSU students to attend a university-sanctioned event that involves a campus-wide snowball or water balloon fight (weather applicable). I mean think about it: Get thousands of students to line up on either side of the IM fields, blow a whistle and have everyone charge at each other and unleash watery fun. Talk about a great publicity builder, as well as social connectivity time. If you don’t think that would be fun you may be a complete party pooper.

Finally, I want to propose a program that would trump my other suggestions in popularity ten times over. My idea here is to have ASCSU members, or the bike cops, begin a rickshaw service to and from class. This program, dubbed “Ramshaw to Class” would be an instant hit on campus. One would simply get out of their car, and hop into a “Ramshaw” and get carted to class without having to move a muscle. If that isn’t everyone’s dream, I don’t know what is. We may not be able to service the whole campus, but if you happened to luck out your day would certainly be made!

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And we already take drunk people home on the weekends with RamRide; I would simply like to see sober people getting the same service, only in a much more amusing way.

So there you have it people: Improved toilet paper quality, giant water balloon fights and the “Ramshaw.” These are running platforms that would guarantee increased ASCSU interest as well as presidential victory next year.

Res Stecker is a junior international studies major. His columns appear Thursdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.