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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Seriously

Seriously is a satire blog and subset of the Collegian offering commentary on Colorado State University and the Fort Collins community in the style of The Onion. Real names may be used in fictitious or semi-fictitious ways.

Newport Beach, CA (Photo credit: McKenna Ferguson)

Seriously: that kid from high school you hate

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick March 7, 2016

This b*tch. On Facebook. Traveling the damn world. Where did she even get all this money? And why isn't she in school? Does she even have a job? God, this girl sucked in high school. She probably...

Seriously: woman dodges coworker's suggestion to 'chill'

Seriously: woman dodges coworker’s suggestion to ‘chill’

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 22, 2016

Senior biomedical science major Anita Marrena aims to have amicable relationships with those she works with. "I like to feel comfortable saying hi, maybe even have some small talk about weekend plans,"...

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Seriously: difficult exam claims man who has yet to attend class

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 17, 2016

Dean Cox went into class to take his midterm exam with all the confidence in the world.With one part swagger and one part suave, the sophomore health and exercise major strode into class hungover, in sweatpants...

Braiden Hall features Ramwich in the dining hall and is located near academic buildings.

Seriously: romantic date to dining hall establishes relationship

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 16, 2016

Freshman philosophy major Alexa Black was well aware it happened to people, she just didn’t realize it happened to her.“Yeah, I guess we’re pretty official,” Black said. “It hadn’t sunk in...

Seriously: woman freaks out over text message for 4 hours

Seriously: woman freaks out over text message for 4 hours

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 13, 2016

A nondescript, vague text message from a potential romantic interest sent Ashley Ilene into a devastating cycle of stress and agony late Wednesday night. The senior civil engineering major found herself...

Snapchat

Seriously: local couple gets 100-snap streak

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 10, 2016

In an age of such cynicism, romance is hard to come by. The world seems a cold and bleak place, devoid of any kind of serious relationship or commitment.But worry not. Love is not dead. To prove it, Seriously...

Seriously: students thrilled to be watching Super Bowl 50

Seriously: students thrilled to be watching Super Bowl 50

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 6, 2016

Students are absolutely thrilled to have the chance to go to parties on a Sunday.“The Super Bowl is so fun, it presents a really unique opportunity to drink and hang out with friends on a Sunday,”...

Seriously: Your classmate is literally dying to interrupt you

Seriously: Your classmate is literally dying to interrupt you

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 5, 2016

Feb 4, inside Clark C, you were dropping knowledge.You, of course, already knew this.How could you not? As the good, participative, attentive, student you are, you could not help but share your profound...

Students flee campus after Colorado State closes at noon on April 17, 2013 as a result of heavy snow accumulation and a forecast for more. (Photos by Hunter Thompson)

Seriously: magic of winter lost on girl who fell on ice

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick February 3, 2016

February is the month to fall for.Not only because of the artificial romance that is the product of a commercialized non-holiday, or the bizarre and fun way February is spelled, but because of the unexpected...

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