The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
February 20, 2024

In today's era of information technology, engineering plays the role of a vanguard, trying to optimize processes and develop new products, making...

Seriously: Student worries raptor attacks may disrupt his study schedule

A raptor, similar to the one eating (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia)
A prehistoric raptor, similar to the one eating Charles Ray (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia)

Growing increasingly anxious as a prehistoric beast screeched and tore into his backside, senior Ergonomics major Charles Ray reportedly worried that the raptor attacks he had been experiencing for “the past few days” might disrupt his study schedule.

“Ugh, it’s so hard to focus with this thing going after my insides. It better finish up soon, or at least quiet down, because I’ll die if I don’t pass this midterm,” Ray reportedly thought to himself, growing more impatient as the raptor ripped effortlessly through bone and organs, at one point crying out in frustration as the creature bit all the fingers off his writing hand.


“Great, now how am I supposed to take the exam? I suppose I could ask for an extension, but how long does it take to grow a hand back? I seriously don’t have time for this – if I fail they’ll drop me from honors and I’ll be dead.”

Sources confirmed that after the raptor made his way to the student’s skull, Ray considered visiting Hartshorn for treatment of his injuries, as long as it didn’t conflict with his class schedule.

Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor and Blogger Sean Kennedy can be reached at or on Twitter at @seanskenn. He also hosts a weekly radio show, SUBMERGE, on Sundays from 7-9 p.m. on KCSU Fort Collins. Leave a comment!!

Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.


Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Hey, thanks for visiting!
We’d like to ask you to please disable your ad blocker when looking at our site — advertising revenue directly supports our student journalists and allows us to bring you more content like this.

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *