Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s sports section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

The cool fall air on campus this year is accompanied by the presence of some unknown and powerful force in the Mountain West.

There is a killer on the loose in the Mountain West this year, and they are seemingly unstoppable. All major sports teams in the conference have been living in fear of the powerful program haunting them.

The prime suspect is Colorado State. This dangerous group is known to viciously tear apart anyone who opposes them with no sign of remorse. Whether it’s soccer, football, volleyball or cross country, no one is safe.

“It’s horrible out there,” Wyoming fan Vicky Tim said. “I can’t even sleep at night knowing I’m in the same conference as the Rams. I know all my teams are bound to get killed by the Rams soon, and I just can’t bear how scared I am.”

The other teams in the Mountain West have been restlessly thinking of their rival, CSU, and rightfully so. The Rams have torn apart the conference this year and left it in shambles. CSU’s merciless campaign has shown just how dangerous the Rams can be.

The Rams are especially threatening at home, and all Mountain West opponents have visited CSU at their own risk. The CSU campus is a death trap for rival Mountain West teams this year.

Recently, CSU eliminated New Mexico in every seemingly possible way. UNM came to CSU, confidently challenging the Rams. The situation quickly turned around for the overconfident Lobos as the killer Rams made fast work of both their soccer and football teams. To add insult to injury, the Rams went to UNM to take out the volleyball team as well.

“It was such a brutal week,” UNM fan Caz Yoolty said. “I watched three of my teams get killed by these Rams in the same week. Someone needs to put a stop to them, but I don’t know if there is anyone in the Mountain West who even can.”

These dangerous Rams are still on the loose and rampaging toward the top of the conference. As the fall season draws to a close, they have left the path of their destruction behind them. CSU is set to finish with some of the highest records in the conference all across the board.

The Rams drew in large crowds time and time again to witness and cheer on the dispatching of any and all Mountain West opponents foolish enough to come to campus.

These dangerous Rams are not only an unstoppable dispatching force, they are also egged on and encouraged by everyone around them. This makes CSU’s campus one of the most dangerous places on Earth, especially if you’re a rival Mountain West school.

“I’m just glad to be on the side of the Rams,” CSU sports fan Anaya Laider said. “I can’t imagine the horror and pain being felt by the rest of the Mountain West.”

Reach Mason Ford at sports@collegian.com or on Twitter @mason_ford2891.

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