The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
February 20, 2024

In today's era of information technology, engineering plays the role of a vanguard, trying to optimize processes and develop new products, making...

CSU to limit race and bias incidents by going online, shutting down campus

In an effort to limit the vast amount of race and bias incidents that have occurred on campus, Colorado State University has shut down its entire campus and moved all of its operations online.

“We had an embarrassing amount of race and bias incidents occurring, and we had to ask ourselves, ‘What can we do to limit these?’” said CSU Race, Bias and Equity Initiative spokesperson Wendy Marquez. “It turns out that incidents can’t occur if we just send everybody home.”

Ad

Marquez remarked that although the CSU Race, Bias and Equity Initiative took its sweet time making changes within the University, it really hit a grand slam when it resolved to send its entire student body back to their respective hometowns.

“I won’t lie; some people think that we really twiddled our thumbs on this one,” said CSU President Joyce McConnell. “But I think we really made up for it when we shut down the entire University and moved the whole operation online.”

She added that, originally, there were a couple of different avenues for moving forward with the initiative, but after much deliberation, it was decided the simplest option was to simply banish the student body as a whole.

“As far as strategy, this was an outstanding move,” said senior biology major Tanner Lewis. “Students can’t wear blackface in the dorm rooms if there aren’t any students living in the dorm rooms.”

CSU’s decision to move online comes during a rather advantageous time. Because some of the semester was completed, CSU will not be issuing any refunds for students.

Lewis went on to remark that the shutdown was “awfully convenient” for the University and that he couldn’t help but wonder why the University went online only after its drop and withdrawal dates.

“I mean, seriously, what kind of genius thought that up?” Lewis asked. “As a young male, I can personally vouch that nothing turns me on more than paying thousands of dollars for a pile of glorified TED Talks while receiving none of the amenities that I originally paid for.”

Marquez concluded by outlining the plans for CSU during this tumultuous time.

“Moving forward, the entire staff of CSU is just self-isolating and waiting for this to blow over,” Marquez said. “In the meantime, your staff at CSU will continue to pretend to be Scrooge McDuck, stripping down naked and diving headfirst into thousands of dollars of your tuition money.”

Ad

Marshall Dunham can be reached at news@collegian.com or on Twitter @gnarshallfunham.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Hey, thanks for visiting Collegian.com!
We’d like to ask you to please disable your ad blocker when looking at our site — advertising revenue directly supports our student journalists and allows us to bring you more content like this.

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *