The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
The Importance of Supporting Engineering Education
February 20, 2024

In today's era of information technology, engineering plays the role of a vanguard, trying to optimize processes and develop new products, making...

Seriously: CSU Snowriders think they’re better than you

Seriously%3A+CSU+Snowriders+think+theyre+better+than+you
Collegian | Madelyn Hendricks

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

To those who don’t know us — or worse, to those who don’t love us — what do you mean you don’t ski?

Ad

Although the prime time for winter activities is nearing its close, especially considering how warm it’s been recently, we at Snowriders thought now would be the perfect time to recruit new members for next season.

As the largest recreational club at Colorado State University — in both members and egos — it is our job at Snowriders to provide a welcoming community for CSU mountain mamas. If you partake in winter activities, come join us on the slopes! If not, hold on to your snow pants: You can still be a sassy snowflake! We need a bus driver.

Here at Snowriders, we recognize that being able to ski or snowboard is a luxury not all can afford — lift ticket prices are no joke on the wallets. With this being said, if you’re one of our lucky bunnies, we ask that you wear gear worth at least double the price of the Epic Pass. Bums aren’t allowed to tarnish our brand.

Breathing mountain air heals all. It’s the truth. Look at us: Some of our chairlift cuties were in therapy before joining Snowriders, and now they spend their weekends rocketing down hills just to feel something! Some say we’re running away from our problems, but we prefer the term “adrenaline junkies.”

Of course, it’s not that we think Snowriders is the best club at CSU — every hobby is perfect for someone. And if being a live laugh lift-lover isn’t perfect for you, we love your confidence in trying something else! It takes a lot of guts to admit when you’re wrong.

Recently, however, misinformation has plagued the name of our giggling goggle gals, and we just can’t have that. Snowriders would like to address a few controversies that have been pissing on our snow.

Last November, some bitch from the Outdoor Club started a rumor that we let our black diamond babies ski with syphilis. This is not true. We at Snowriders stand against sexually transmitted diseases of all kinds.

Also, that grandma who was so unfortunately killed on Copper Mountain a couple weeks ago hit our snowboarder first. Please donate to our GoFundMe for bail, and help our helmeted hottie return home!

These incidents may have put a bad taste in your mouth, but Snowriders promises that joining our club will kiss that look right off your face. There’s a reason we don’t take any ugly members.

Breathing mountain air heals all. It’s the truth. Look at us: Some of our chairlift cuties were in therapy before joining Snowriders, and now they spend their weekends rocketing down hills just to feel something! Some say we’re running away from our problems, but we prefer the term “adrenaline junkies.”

Ad

So the next time you’re feeling stuck in a rut, come be stuck with us instead. And again, even if you’re not a slope sister, we’re still in need of a bus driver. Volunteer basis.

With everlasting, superficial love,

Snowriders

Reach Emma Souza at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @_emmasouza.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Hey, thanks for visiting Collegian.com!
We’d like to ask you to please disable your ad blocker when looking at our site — advertising revenue directly supports our student journalists and allows us to bring you more content like this.

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *