The awkward onslaught of syllabus week

Quinn ScahillAs our distractingly long Winter Break was coming to an end last week, I found myself talking amongst my friends, complaining about how classes would soon start.

Most of them offered me a simple reassurance, saying, “Oh, it’s just syllabus week, you don’t really have to do anything.”

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However, I have found this advice to be total garbage. Syllabus week was probably the creation of some college slacker who probably never graduated.

For example, I just finished my classes for the day and have already been assigned twelve scholarly articles to read.

I do not know why it’s such a common misconception, but syllabus week is not a time to slack off. In fact, it’s probably one of the busier weeks in the semester.

First off, you have to adjust to a new class schedule, which probably also requires finagling your work schedule around. As we all know, these two never totally cooperate with each other.

Next you have to go to the bookstore and spend ridiculous amounts of money on textbooks that you will likely never read, or skim through and say you did.

Not to mention that a college bookstore is one of the least desirable places to be at this time of year. It is crowded, hot, and seeing the number of books you are required to read is enough to make you vomit.

However, if you make it out of the bookstore alive, you’ll have to deal with a whole different monster when classes start. I’m talking about the onslaught of awkward encounters that await you at every nook and cranny on campus.

With a new class schedule you will have a new route through campus. You probably figured out a safe route to take last semester to avoid any awkward happenings, but with a new semester you’re completely defenseless.

You will almost certainly run into an old roommate, a former fling, or some other totally random acquaintance that you have made. These encounters are spine-twisting and as cringe worthy as any Saw movie, but you’ll learn something from them: avoid certain routes through campus at all costs, and keep eye contact at a bare-minimum.

Although syllabus week is awkward and uncomfortable, there are a few redeeming qualities to it.

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Every first day of every semester gorgeous women and handsome men crawl out of their respective caves to strut their stuff. I call these creatures syllabus babes, or sylla-babes, and you should appreciate them while you can, because they will probably stop coming to class by next week. So do not be afraid to stop and stare.

Another redeeming feature of syllabus week really has nothing to do with school at all. Fort Collins will be back in top gear with the influx of returning students. This weekend the bars will be hopping and house parties will be wall-to-wall with bodies. After an arduous, awkward, and mentally sapping syllabus week, you deserve to treat yourself to a few cold beverages, and then probably a few more after that. Cheers!