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There is a lot of social stigma around sex. It’s not the sort of thing that is discussed in “polite society.” The topic being a stigma has, like most stigmas, negative effects — but especially for women, who are having some pretty bad hetero-normative sex.
In one study from 2017, 95% of straight men were found to have “usually always” orgasmed during sex. Gay and bisexual men followed close behind with 89% and 88%, respectively. Lesbians reported having an orgasm 86% of the time.
But bisexual and straight women who have sex with men reported a 20% decrease in the frequency of orgasms from any of the other groups. This is called the orgasm gap.
I think that one of the most common things women discuss in regard to sex is “faking it.” A study from psychologist Gayle Brewer revealed that nearly 80% of women reported faking an orgasm through vocalization during sex. You all know that one scene in “When Harry Met Sally.”
Women fake orgasms during sex for one reason or another; Brewer laid out a few: A majority of women said that they faked it in order to speed up their partner’s ejaculation. Some said they did this out of boredom, tiredness or pain, and others said they did it just because of time constraints. 92% of women thought vocalization increased their partner’s ego, and 87% said they faked it for this reason.
Eighty-seven percent of women are faking pleasure to keep their partner’s ego intact; they are doing it to boost another’s morale. This is yet another instance of how women must carry the emotional labor in order to keep their partner happy. It is not my job to make you think you are good at sex; it is your job to be good at sex or, at the very least, just be OK with learning how to get better.
This reason is largely why women are not having good sex, and the resulting stigma against talking about it has led to a lack of knowledge, especially on the behalf of men. I like to think I had pretty decent sex-ed in high school. I know the general anatomy of both men and women; I know how to avoid STDs; and I know about the male orgasm. But I do not know about the female orgasm.
Porn is primarily geared toward men and male pleasure. Almost all media that depicts sex, including pornographic magazines and videos and erotic romance novels, predominantly depict one type of sex: heteronormative, penetrative intercourse between two cisgender people that ends when the man ejaculates.
Not only is this boring and repetitive; it is actively impeding on a man’s ability to be a good lover.
Women are not having good sex with men. They are taught to focus on their partner’s pleasure when he couldn’t be bothered to figure out where the clitoris is.
Reach Audrey Weishaar at letters@collegian.com or on social media @RMCollegian.
