Eating For Five


Nov. 14, 2013


Based on the RamTalk – Eating for five people at the dining halls because you know it’s your only meal of the day. – Originally in 11/8/2013 Collegian.

When a woman has a bun in the oven people often say that she’s “eating for two,” but what about those women with more kids on the way?  With twins, they “eat for three” and with triplets, they may even “eat for four,” but a special local mother-to-be is “eating for five.”  That’s right, local mom, Jessee Poocheenee is about to give birth to a Brady Bunch of children.

Jessee Poocheenee may only be carrying half the load that Octomom did, but she has twice the heart.  Although she is not a student at Colorado State, her story truly touched CSU Housing and Dining so much that they offered her unlimited meals at the dorms.  Here she can eat for her little ones on the way and not break the bank.

Poocheenee is delighted that she gets to chow to her heart’s content.

“It was just so wonderful for CSU to offer me this plentiful bounty of scrumptious delights,” Poocheenee said.  “I myself am a quadruplet and I just want to treat my newborns right.  That’s why I’m feeding them Marshmallow Mateys and jalapeno poppers.”

Freshman thumbtack major, Steve Jacoby, has made friends with the quattromom.

“Dude, she can eat!” Jacoby said.  “It’s like watching a piranha skin a sheep.  Last week, she even beat Big Jack in a pickle-eating contest!  What can I say?  The woman knows how to feed her brood.”

Quattromom is due in December and will no longer have access to the dining halls for her meals.  However, her legacy will live on as one of the greatest face-stuffers to ever grace CSU.  We wish her the best in raising four little baby people.

Collegian Reporter Davis English can be reached at