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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Tony Frank’s beard finally insured

Colorado State University Interim President Anthony A. Frank.  November 11, 2008
Colorado State University Interim President Anthony A. Frank. November 11, 2008

Based on the 2/8 RamTalk – How mad do you think Tony Frank gets when he catches women staring at his beard? “My eyes are up here.”

Famous people are notorious for insuring their valuables. Jay Lo has insured her bodacious booty, David Beckham has insured his athlete’s foot and experts are fairly certain that Kanye West has even insured his enormous ego. These things need to be protected.

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Recently at CSU, the most amazing body part on Earth was insured for a whopping 300 billion dollars. Often called the Eighth Wonder of the World, Tony Frank’s Beard is finally safe. The insurance deal has been years in the making, but it is my pleasure to inform the CSU community that there is no need to worry anymore. The beard stays.

Sophomore interior design major, Tess Ress, was enthused to say the least.

“It’s finally safe?” Ress said. “Finally, I can sleep at night. I’ve been getting these strange nightmares where a small beard gnome goes into Tony Frank’s room in the middle of the night and emerges with his whiskers. It’s awful.” Ress can finally rest easy.

Frank had little to say about his beard insurance, but his booking agent, Miya Mathieu, had more to add.

“Tony’s beard used to be a liability.” Mathieu said. “Now it’s an asset. We plan on copyrighting the whiskers as soon as we can. Get ready for merchandise!”

Beard enthusiasts everywhere are rejoicing in the fact that the most recognizable beard on Earth is now safe and sound. Although the impact of this accomplishment cannot be fully quantified yet, it is safe to say that more ultra celebs will undoubtedly be getting coverage for their assets. The next step is for Cam the Ram to get his pair insured.

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