Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board.
When I sat alone in my dorm room for the first time, I remember thinking that this feeling of being alone had an odd comfort to it. Being alone is quiet, and quiet always teaches me things about myself.
The college experience places you directly in the “becoming” phase of adulthood. Many of us enter this experience hoping to become something and someone much better than we were in our grade school years. You’re becoming the best version of yourself as a student, friend and partner.
Walking into your young adult years, there’s still so much becoming to happen. The environments in which you place yourself, the friends you keep, the effort you put in — they all play a part in your growth. During your first year you’re met with so many new opportunities. It’s important to take the risk and allow yourself to take these opportunities, but it’s also important to remember that this stage is about you.
I came to Colorado State University for myself and had something to prove. Aside from my sister, who graduated earlier this year, I cannot think of any woman in my immediate family line who had the opportunity to earn her college degree. Taking the risk to move away from home and prove myself was a financial and social jump in the dark.
Maybe it was growing up as a woman that made me so worried about being seen as selfish, but I waste a lot of time worrying about other people. College is one of the few phases in life that not only allows you to be selfish but asks you for it.
During my previous semester at CSU, I came to a lot of realizations about what I want from my life. I lost friendships, and I realized that keeping the friendships I do want is an active choice. I lost love multiple times — by both my choosing and theirs. I pushed myself to try out new classes and take more risks. I learned to be more honest with myself.
But I think the biggest lesson I learned from that semester was to always, always stay true to the things that I know. And I know myself better than anyone else can or ever will, and I know what matters to me in life. It’s not selfish to put yourself — the person only you can truly know — first.
Of course, no one wants to be known as selfish. But I think to be known as kind you first have to be selfish. You cannot be the best version of yourself for others if you do not choose to show up for yourself first.
I also think it’s important how we define kindness. Kindness is not about being accessible, saying yes every time, replying fast, people-pleasing or pushing yourself even when you’re exhausted. That form of supposed kindness in relationships will drain you faster than any assignment or internship. Kindness is actively choosing to see the good in people and being intentionally compassionate. And while I urge you to do that every day, kindness can still have boundaries. You need to be kind to yourself, too, especially when dealing with all of the massive changes that come with college.
College is full of pressure — inflicted by friends, professors, family and, most of the time, ourselves. I know that I personally put endless pressure on myself, ever the Scorpio. And honestly, I like it like that. I want to be challenged every day of my life but especially during my college years. But challenging yourself should never come at the expense of your mental health.
College is a lot of things, but it’s almost never peaceful. The constant chaos is part of discovering who you are, but do your best to maintain your own personal peace during all of this chaos. If you don’t make an effort to take care of yourself first, you’ll only make it harder to really connect with others.
Showing up for yourself is not always easy, especially when dealing with change. It’s not just Pinterest self-care routines and hitting the gym. It’s a learning curve, and it’s different for each of us. But you’ll get the hang of it after a minute — I promise.
Embrace the chaos, find friendships that recharge you and take care of yourself, no matter how selfish you might feel it is.
Reach Skylar White at letters@collegian.com or on social media @RMCollegian.
