Seriously: Girl hopes for celebrity career pathetic enough to appear on Dancing with the Stars

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick

Youth is a time for dreams, a time to innocently wonder, “who will I become?”, “how are babies made?” and “what are the consequences of flashing everybody in this grocery store right now?”

Jessie Williamson, a local 7-year-old, certainly knows that. Since her mom has started obsessively watching ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, Williamson has replaced her dreams of being a doctor-astronaut with becoming a celebrity whose career is bad enough to land her a spot on the show.

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Photo courtesy of eonline.com
Photo courtesy of eonline.com

“The dresses on the show are really pretty,’ Williamson said. “It would be fun and cool and also awesome to be on TV.”

Williamson’s mom is not thrilled about her daughters plans.

“I mean, I know she’s just a kid, but I was really hoping for some more ambition than that, I guess time well tell if she’s really serious about this,” Williamson’s mother said. “It’s just that she’s my only child, you know?”

Earlier today Williamson demanded two cookies instead of one and claimed that she absolutely “did not need a nap,” already showing signs of that vaguely annoying, yet cliché vernacular of DWTS’s cast of washed-up child actors.

Williamson has also considered becoming a lesbian since her mom started watching Ellen while folding laundry.

Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.