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Seriously: CSU student is convinced her roommate is a vampire

Seriously%3A+CSU+student+is+convinced+her+roommate+is+a+vampire
Collegian | Kathryn Pakiz

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Most people never think that horror movies can come to life. Stories about ghosts and monsters are simply tales to scare us. The idea of monsters being real is too far-fetched for anyone to give it a second thought, which is why a Colorado State University student was taken aback when she came to the conclusion that she might be living in a real-life horror movie.

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Charlie Cullen, a second-year Colorado State University student living in the Transylvania Standard apartment complex, is convinced her roommate is a vampire. 

“I didn’t think much of it when I first moved in,” Cullen said. “But all the clues came together, and I realized that I was living with a real-life vampire.”

Throughout the year, Cullen has observed her roommate’s vampiric habits firsthand. The first symptom Cullen remembered was her roommate’s unconventional sleep schedule. 

“She’ll wake up around 5 or 6 p.m., and then she’s awake for the rest of the night,” Cullen said. “One time, I got up to get water in the middle of the night, and she was standing in the kitchen claiming she was doing homework.”

“I’m not even sure she goes to class. I’ve never seen her anywhere on campus.” -Charlie Cullen, CSU student in supernatural danger

Cullen noticed her roommate’s strange sleep schedule during the first week of school. She thought that maybe her roommate simply suffered from insomnia — a common illness that affects many stressed college students. However, as the semester has gone on, Cullen has come to the conclusion that her roommate’s sleep habits are due to her vampire nature.

Cullen also noted that her roommate avoids going outside whenever possible, refusing to go to lunch together or attend football games.

“We invited her to go hiking with us one day, but she told us no because it was way too sunny for her,” said Edward Swann, Cullen’s boyfriend. “I mean, I’m all for skin care, but that’s why we have sunscreen.”

Neither Cullen nor Swann reported seeing the roommate leave the apartment during the day.

“I’m not even sure she goes to class,” Cullen said. “I’ve never seen her anywhere on campus.”

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While Swann and Cullen have not yet confirmed if Cullen’s roommate is in fact a vampire, they are taking all necessary precautions to protect themselves. 

“We’ve started wearing garlic necklaces when we’re in the living room or the kitchen,” said Buffy Gellar, a close friend of Cullen’s who frequents her apartment. “I’ve read it’s the most effective way to repel vampires.”

In addition to wearing garlic necklaces, Cullen has also strung up strands around the door of her room and has added extra garlic to her meals when cooking.

Cullen has also stocked up on silver jewelry to wear around the apartment when her roommate is there. 

“Usually, I wear gold because silver washes me out, but apparently, silver is supposed to repel vampires,” Cullen said. “Hopefully it will work.”

Cullen is looking forward to the end of year when she can move to a different vampire-free apartment. And she hopes that other CSU students can learn from her experiences this year. 

“Roommates are so tough,” Cullen said. “I mean, you never know if you’re going to be the next person who ends up with a vampire for a roommate.”

Reach Hana Pavelko at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @hanasolo13.

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