Rego: Sex isn’t for everyone

Shay Rego

Editor’s Note: The views expressed in the following column are those of the writer only and do not necessarily represent the views of The Collegian or its editorial board.

Society portrays every romantic relationship on the basis of sex. Every dinner date, every kiss at the house threshold and every bouquet of flowers is shown as a step closer to sex. We’re told that everyone loves sex, and if you’re not having sex, you want sex. Sexual reproduction is a natural biological process that can also bring physical and emotional joy.


In particular, college is a time to experiment with having sex, hooking up, going nympho-crazed and trying out different types of sex. However, experimenting with sex — and sex in general — is not for everyone. 

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, asexual is defined as “not having sexual feelings toward others” or “not experiencing sexual desire or attraction.”

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that carries many misconceptions. Asexuality isn’t a choice like celibacy or something that changes like libido. Celibacy is a behavior you choose, libido is something you have and asexual is something you are.

Data collected from a study done at Brock University in Canada suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. Asexuals, also known as aces, are able to have very intimate and loving relationships the same way sexual people can. Aces rely on satisfaction through the joy of having platonic relationships, rather than by having an orgasm.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network is the world’s largest online resource for the asexual community. Their goal is to create a safe, open and honest space for asexuals and sexuals to have discussions surrounding asexuality.

Simply because someone is asexual and lacks sexual attraction doesn’t mean they are incapable of having sex or being with a sexual partner or satisfying their needs.

The asexual spectrum is very personalized and varied; how one person experiences asexuality is not the same as another.

One misconception is that all asexuals don’t ever have sex, which is a dangerous idea to spread. Dating, having sex, falling in love, getting married and having children do not conflict with asexuality in any way.

Simply because someone is asexual and lacks sexual attraction doesn’t mean they are incapable of having sex or being with a sexual partner or satisfying their needs. It’s also entirely possible to be ace, have no sexual attraction and still masturbate.

Another dangerous misconception to have on asexuality is that it’s comparable to a disorder. Asexuality is not caused by some sort of chemical or hormonal imbalance in the brain — asexuals are not broken people.

While science suggests there might be a possible diagnosis associated with asexuality, there is no concrete evidence to suggest asexuals are any different from sexuals biologically.


There’s a lack of education and understanding surrounding asexuality. It can be complicated and confusing to understand, but what’s important is that we respect each other’s preferences.

Not everyone needs or even likes sex. We should not shame people for who they are or their sexual orientation by telling people it’s not “normal” to not want sex. Everyone is different, especially in their sexual preferences and orientations.

Shay Rego can be reached at or on Twitter @shay_rego.