The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
Crypto Exchange Listing: Types of Exchanges and Compliance Requirements
March 25, 2024

The crypto industry continues to evolve, fueled by the increasing institutional adoption of crypto. Today, numerous companies are entering the...

Leibee: Women are not responsible for taking care of men

Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board.

In 1969, Tammy Wynette released the hit song “Stand by Your Man” about standing by your man even when he’s not a good man. Amidst controversy, she stood by the message of the song.

Ad

We’ve moved on from the age-old belief that women should act as caretakers to their husbands and boyfriends, right? Actually, wrong. In 2018, Ariana Grande was criticized by someone on Twitter for leaving a toxic relationship with the late rapper Mac Miller on account of his drug addiction. The singer responded in a tweet, saying, “I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be.”

So, ladies, despite what society and your heart tells you, don’t always stand by your man. This opinion is not an attack on men, but it is an attack on traditional roles in relationships that can land women in dangerous places.

“This opinion is not an attack on men, but it is an attack on traditional roles in relationships that can land women in dangerous places.”

Society has often told women that men’s emotions are fragile, and we should protect them. Grande is a perfect example again — after she broke up with comedian Pete Davidson, he threatened suicide publicly.

Women are now faced with two choices: We can remove ourselves from toxic relationships or risk feeling the guilt of hurting someone.

To put it in simply, you hurt yourself or you hurt him.

In her essay “We’re not done here,” Laurie Penny, an award-winning journalist and essayist, writes, “All of us love sex and all of us love men, all men, no matter how badly they behave, because that’s what it means to be a good woman — it means loving what you’re told to love no matter how much it hurts you.”

Things may have changed since 1969, but the fear of hurting a spouse and the need to please men has not changed as much as we would like to believe. History has told women that we should love and always stand by our men because we know what it’s like to hurt, and we never want them to feel that.

Many men have a rough exterior that can be shattered, yet we don’t see it happen often, because it is scary and uncomfortable to see a man cry and express emotions or pain. However, it is not necessarily their fault; it is the fault of society for never allowing it to be okay for men to express emotions.

In her essay “The Great Sink,” Penny wrote, “Society at large is unable to cope with male fear and distress, whereas women’s pain is normalized, made invisible, and accepted up to a certain degree as our lot in nature and creation.” In toxic relationships, women have to do most of the emotional heavy lifting, because that is what is traditionally expected, and that is what is comfortable.

Ad

Loveisrespect.org reports that nearly half of dating college women say they have experienced abusive dating behaviors. Toxic relationships are real, and they are happening now. The justification and the reasoning behind why women stay in these relationships is old.

It is time to stop normalizing toxic relationships and accepting the role of the caregiver that women traditionally take on. It is not a woman’s predetermined role to fix, take care of or coddle anybody, especially a person that is supposed to be her equal.

Katrina Leibee can be reached at letters@collegian.com or Twitter @KatrinaLeibee.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover
About the Contributor
Katrina Leibee, Editor-in-Chief
Katrina Leibee is serving as The Rocky Mountain Collegian's editor in chief for the 2021-22 academic year. Leibee started at The Collegian during the fall of her freshman year writing for the opinion desk. She then moved up to assistant opinion editor and served as the opinion director for the 2020-21 academic year. Leibee is a journalism and political science double major, but her heart lies in journalism. She enjoys writing, editing and working with a team of people to create the paper more than anything. Ask anyone, Leibee loves her job at The Collegian and believes in the great privilege and opportunity that comes with holding a job like this. The biggest privilege is getting to work with a team of such smart, talented editors, writers, photographers and designers. The most important goal Leibee has for her time as editor in chief is to create change, and she hopes her and her staff will break the status quo for how The Collegian has previously done things and for what a college newspaper can be. From creating a desk dedicated entirely to cannabis coverage to transitioning the paper into an alt-weekly, Leibee hopes she can push the boundaries of The Collegian and make it a better paper for its readers and its staff. Leibee is not one to accept a broken system, sit comfortably inside the limits or repeat the words, "That's the way we've always done things." She is a forward thinker with a knack for leadership, and she has put together the best staff imaginable to bring The Collegian to new heights.

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *