Sassy with Cassie: Tips for a Tinder bachelorette

Cassie Maack

Anyone who knows me knows I am not the biggest fan of dating. People tell me that I just need to put myself out there to find someone.

Oh, jeepers! Thanks for the killer advice, Nancy. I’d never thought of that, and I love it. In fact, I’m gonna dust the cat hair off my dress right now, go outside and just, like, put myself out there.

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I’ll march down to the Starbucks on the corner, swing the door open, spread my arms wide and proclaim:

“Hey! Um–so–I just thought I’d let you know that I’m single, and, um, I’ll be over there. I’m just, you know, putting it out there–OK.”

Or I could download Tinder and become a Tinder bachelorette.

It’s exactly the same as regular bachelorette except you pull from a pool of matches and go on a series of dates with various Internet people.

Who wouldn’t want to try this?

I KNOW WHO!

Anyone who’s had Tinder for more than five minutes.

I only went out with a couple of guys, and I’m not even a little bit sorry to say NO ONE got a rose. Except for me. I got a rose. From me. #WCW

But that doesn’t mean Tinder doesn’t work as a dating app. I know of relationships that began on Tinder and worked out swimmingly.

I’ve compiled a short list of tips for any Tinder bachelor/bachelorette trying to go on real dates. Who knows, for you it could be love at first right swipe.

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Tips to a Tinder bachelorette/bachelor:

  1. Have no shame. It is not embarrassing to have a dating app. T-Swizzle Stick said it best when she said: “The haters gonna hate hate hate.” Let ‘em hate. If a millennial is using a dating app or site in the 21st century to meet people – well, I feel like that makes sense.
  2. Don’t take poo from people simply because it is Tinder. Tinder is not some magical realm of existence where it suddenly becomes OK to say gross, offensive and often dumb things to people. Disrespect is not OK on any platform, and I question anyone who downloads a Tinder and immediately say something that qualifies as sexual harassment in real life. Be good to other humans in all situations, please.
  3. You do not have to go on “Netflix dates.”  Ask for what you want. If you want to have coffee in the daylight with people around, do that. If you want dinner, do that. Set the standards for your dating life as high as you want them to be. One of your many matches holds a similar mindset.
  4. Compare Tinders. One time, my friend and I found out the same guy was asking us out. We had a good laugh and decided to each go on a date with him that week because we thought is was funny. We compared notes, and, rest assured, it was as funny as I thought it would be.
  5. Social media is your friend. I demand to add people on multiple forms of social media so I can properly investigate before deciding to meet anyone in person. Secret: Once you obtain their full name, LinkedIn can often give in-depth information not found on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
  6. Take breaks. Going on multiple, consecutive dates can be exhausting. I end up at dinner, zoned out of a conversation, dreaming of the tub of cookie dough in my fridge. Stay home and eat cookie dough if you want. Plus, cookies are always nicer to me than boys are.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – “The Perks of Being A Wallflower”

I deserve cookies.

Collegian A&E Editor Cassie Maack at entertainment@collegian.com or on Twitter @maackcl.