The four types of graduation parties

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Graduation is quickly approaching. For those of us who aren’t quite finished at Colorado State University, it is a time for personal reflection, congratulating others, but mostly, attending graduation parties. It’s that time of year when you feel like a hot ticket item, logging into Facebook and discovering six event invites.

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A graduation party can be packaged in a variety of different ways. So before you send off any graduating seniors, make sure you know exactly what kind of graduation party you could be getting into.

The family friendly graduation party

How you’ll know:

  • The party is held in the parents’ or a relative’s backyard
  • You get introduced to aunts and uncles you’ve never heard about before
  • The party is held during the day
  • Children are present
  • There’s some kind of “Best Wishes” book or poster for guests to sign like a yearbook
  • A classic rock radio station is the party’s soundtrack
  • It probably ends between  5:00 and 8:00 PM with the graduate trying to quickly clean up so he or she can get ready for a party that night

The intimate graduation party

How you’ll know:

  • The party has no more than 20 people
  • Lots of wine and/or champagne
  • Most of the people invited have known the graduate for over a year
  • A ridiculous amount of inside jokes
  • A typical party game gets played at some point
  • Someone will inevitably end up crying
  • It probably ends with the graduate and a guest talking drunkenly about the future in another room while the few remaining guests fall asleep on the couch to a Futurama repeat on Adult Swim

The crazy, “Turn Down for What” party

How you’ll know:

  • “Turn Down for What” or pretty much any song by Lil Jon is on the party playlist
  • You basically have to wade through people to find the bathroom
  • It’s pretty much impossible to even have a conversation with the graduate because they are so popular
  • People yell at you if you don’t have a drink in your hand
  • Guests are playing beer pong, even if there is absolutely no room for it between everything else
  • At some point, a group of ten people that no one at the party knows comes in
  • It probably ends at 4:45 AM with the graduate passed out in bed, guests passed out in between empty cups, with a group of four people smoking cigarettes on the patio, trying to decide if the 25 minute walk home is worth it

The poorly planned party that never really gets going

How you’ll know:

  • The graduate has the idea to have a party within 24 hours of the actual party
  • The Facebook event’s wall is littered with messages like, “Sorry, boo! Can’t!” and “I’m going to another one.”
  • The only available beverages are tap water, skim milk, and a fourth handle of crappy vodka no one really wants to drink without a mixer
  • Guests come for a half hour, and then leave for some vague reason
  • At some point, the bulk of the party just goes to the bars
  • It probably ends at 1:00 AM, with the graduate and the few other guests who stuck it out playing King’s Cup, half asleep, and half-listening to a mediocre mix one of them made on SoundCloud a few days before

Gifs courtesy of Giphy

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