Top six things to do this 4/20 for those who do not smoke

New Zealand Springs
New Zealand Springs (Photo credit: Brandon Koger)

Hitler’s birthday.  Cannabis. Depending upon your point of view, April 20 is either the worst day of the year or the best, especially in Colorado. Fret not, because this Sunday is now a day for all to enjoy, even those who have nothing to celebrate.

6. Do your homework

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It is still a Sunday, after all, near the end-of-the-semester push, no less, without football to pass the time. While you are getting that homework done you have been putting off for the past week, your stoner classmates will forget all about it, giving you the advantage with your professor.

5. Apply for a job

At the same time as you are studying for that chemistry test, you already have what it takes to pass a drug test. The 4/20 job market is the least competitive one of all — your urine will be the most prized asset around.

4. Open a convenience store

4/20 is an economic miracle — as your employable competition goes down, your small business profits go up. Stock your wire racks with chips, classic rock CDs, and those straight-to-DVD movies you find at the car wash, and you will be out of your student loan debt before graduation.

3. Drop that album of Pink Floyd covers your garage band has been recording

It is also the most opportune moment for your independent, Rolling Stones-inspired rock and roll group to make a name for themselves by performing some Beatles records out in public on an open field somewhere, where crowds will appear with hemp picnic blankets, as if summoned.

2. Buy air freshener

Set some of that revenue aside for a bulk of industrial-sized cans of air freshener. It is going to smell like skunk everywhere you go. Better yet, head north, toward Wyoming, and get away from it altogether (just make sure the cops cannot see your Colorado license plates).

1. Drive your high friends around

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The effects of marijuana are still relatively unknown — for all we know, it is just as dangerous to drive high as it is to drive drunk. If you are sober, then keep your friends safe.

At least we probably won’t have riots to worry about this weekend — the only squads of anything to be dispatched will be the Cheba Hut delivery cars, and the only violence to break out will be that first tear into the bag of Doritos.

Collegian Entertainment Staff Writer Hunter Goddard can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.