The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
Lando Norris in Miami. Accident win or the birth of a new star?
May 17, 2024

  On May 5, 2024, an essential event for Formula 1 occurred in Miami. One of the favorites of the world public, the Briton Lando...

Area Priests Bewildered by CSU Confessions

RichmondVA_StJohnsChurchAlthough CSU Confessions was previously confined to an anonymous Facebook page, the act of enthusiastically confessing to debauchery and R-rated behavior has recently spilled into the Fort Collins religious community.

In recent months, fraternity brothers, sorority sisters and misogynists of all shapes and sizes have flocked to local churches to offer their confessions in real life.


“I just don’t get it,” reported the visibly disturbed Father Mitch Mulligan. “All of a sudden students started excitedly coming into the confession booth to tell me about all of the horrific things they did last weekend.”

The priest then shuddered and added, “Some even try to high-five me after they’ve finished.”

Despite the discomfort of local clergymen, the craze shows no signs of slowing down.

“Bro, confessing in real life is, like, the best,” said Joe “Big Nasty” Anderson outside of Blessed John XXIII Catholic Church last Tuesday. “I have a hard time spelling words that are much longer than two syllables, and I have done some horrible, horrible things, many of which require more than two syllables to describe, so it’s way easier for me to get my confession on IRL.”

Anderson then proceeded to pump his fist up in the air while chanting the word “repentance” as he charged into the church. On his way out of the church though, Anderson was far more somber.

“I have had a profound experience,” Anderson said, wiping the tears from his face. He then began pumping his fist again and chanting four Hail Marys, albeit far less loudly than he had been chanting earlier.

In an exclusive interview, Father Mulligan was quoted as saying, “It’s great that so many of God’s children are discovering the peace and joy that comes from the sacrament of Confession, I just wish they would stop bringing their beer bongs into the church.”

The Water Closet Weekly is written by Niles Hachmeister, Patrick Hoehne, Chris Vanjonack and Andrew Walker and can be reached at Look for the WCW online at Please, we’ve been searching for days.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *