The return of the denim menace

me Levis skirt 003
me Levis skirt 003 (Photo credit: old_hippie_1954)

Based on the 8/30 RamTalk — Didn’t jean skirts go out of style in like 2006?

Editor’s note: This column is satire, in case you were wondering.

Author’s note: The author of this article doesn’t have any problem with jean skirts.

A strange beast has returned to campus lately — one that was thought to have gone extinct many moons ago. Some say that it crawled out of the deepest and darkest caverns in Eastern Europe, wishing to be an eyesore for any unfortunate soul to come across it. Others see it as a living fossil and a testament to how far man has come. The once-popular and trendy “thing” has returned.

That’s right, the jean skirt is back, baby. The jean skirt, or “jirt” as it has come to be known, comes about when a pair of denim jeans and a nice looking skirt are making hungry eyes at each other from across a dimly lit bar. Nine months later, the stork drops off a baby jean skirt at the house of the jean and skirt couple. The jean skirt is later purchased and worn by a person who doesn’t have the guts to tell their baby jirt that it will never be as handsome as a pair of jeans and never be as classy as a skirt. These are the beasts that we are dealing with here.

Mathew LeBombardier, a junior Czech studies major, is disgusted by what he sees.

“What are those things?” Lebombardier said. “Whatever man, I’m off to the Czech Republic so you can deal with this yourselves. Smell ya later!”

Junior fossil management major, Tesa Wros, also recounted her horrid experience with the jean skirt.

“It was late at night on a Thursday.” Wros said, “W-we were at this dive bar when a girl came up to me. At first, everything seemed fine. That’s when I noticed it. I tried to run, but her jean skirt made her so fast! Her fashion sense was so two thousand and late!”

Although the source of the jean skirt resurgence is unknown, it is certain that these horrible articles of clothing must return to the obsolete corner of the closet from which they came.

A&E writer Davis English can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.