PSA: Give upperclassman your meal swipes; we’re hungry

Miranda Moses

Breakfast food is pictured at one of the dining halls on campus. (Forrest Czarnecki | Collegian)

Freshmen year of college is beautiful. You’re newly liberated from the wrath of your parents. That dude in your music appreciation class always has the hook up for the best parties. You can change clothes in the middle of the day when the Colorado whether decides to do the Colorado thing were it fits four seasons into one hour. You can wake up for your 8 a.m. class at 7:53 a.m. and still make it  on time. And last but not least, you have all your meals made for you in the dining halls.

Sure, spring semester is the time of year when dining hall food starts to get old for most freshmen if it hasn’t already. But you will never truly appreciate dining hall food until you live in your own apartment with three other roommates, and all you collectively have in your pantry is six Oreos, a jar of pickle juice, three pasta noodles and half a frozen chicken nugget to share for the next three days until one of you gets paid. After you make tacos comprised of stale taco shells, black beans and nothing else, that dish at Parmalee that you cannot quite figure out what it is supposed to be starts looking fire. 


So, to honor those who have fought before you (in terms of schooling, of course), freshmen should obviously bequeath their guest swipes onto deserving upperclassmen who will truly appreciate the cuisine. If you’re not quite convinced, here’s a list of the reasons why freshmen should be passing out meal swipes like Oprah passes out cars: 

1. You have like, 20 guest swipes?

Unless your mom, dad, your brother, your sister and all 16 of your cousins are coming to visit you all at once and insist on eating dining hall food, there is absolutely no way that you are going to use all of your guest meal swipes on just your family alone. The idea of having a plethora of guest meal swipes was absolutely constructed for freshmen to share their wealth with others, not necessarily to invite grandma to Paramelee for a burger 20 times. Also, for the record, I personally think your grandma deserves better than dining hall food. 

2. We are hungrier. 

Upperclass 300 to 400 level classes are harder, which means we use more brain power than freshmen, which stresses us out more, which makes us cry more, and crying burns 1.3 calories per minute, so we get hungrier faster. Please feed your local senior studying biology who just had four panic attacks in their Honda Civic in the library parking lot. Ramen will not heal their wounds. 

3. We cannot survive on Taco Bell.

When an upperclassman gets hungry on campus, we cannot simply mosey into a dining hall and eat cereal, pasta, fruit, six brownies and a burger. We must rely on the food selections that lie within the Lory Student Center. Unfortunately, Panda Express does not taste how it smells, and one can only eat so many Doritos Locos Tacos before their sodium intake gets concerning. If you want to help your local Rams make it through the day, be a team player and help them get some blood sugar between classes.

4. You might make a friend. 

If you swipe an upperclassmen into the dining hall, you may acquire a new friend outside the realm of freshman hooligans. Upperclassmen posses valuable, priceless knowledge around which professors to avoid, good places to poop on campus and other important tips that will help you navigate the college experience in the smoothest way. If you want the upper hand on your young peers, you know what to do.

5. I just really want a sandwich and a cookie from Durrell. 


Please swipe ya girl in. 

Collegian reporter Miranda Moses can be reached at or on Twitter @mirandasrad.