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How to Survive Your Family During the Holidays

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This is a satirical piece and should not be taken seriously. Unless you do have these problems, in which case, you’re welcome.


Winter Break is always such a welcoming time in the school year. Finals are over and you have five weeks to relax before Spring semester starts. There is one catch though, you must survive the customary holiday family gatherings. No worries though, here are some tips on how to make it through the family dinner.

1. Take your own car so you can escape when you want to and not get stuck waiting for your mom to take 30 minutes saying goodbye.

2. Just wear the itchy sweater your grandma made you, it will make her happy and may get you more money from her. Just be sure to wear another shirt underneath to minimize the itchiness.

3. Bring your own tupperware to bring leftovers back and enjoy in the comfort of your room.

4. Help out in the kitchen, this can get your bonus points with your mom and you may get to snag some food before dinner.

5. Don’t wear ripped jeans, you’re just asking for your grandparents to comment on them and the fashion trends of your generation.

6. Hide or delete anything on your phone that you don’t want your little cousins to see, you know they’re gonna ask to play games on your phone and who knows what else they may open when you’re not looking.

7. Be prepared for the standard questions from all your relatives: How’s college? How are your grades? Are you eating enough in college? Do you have a significant other yet? Do you have a job?

8. Ask your favorite cousin what time they are planning to show up to the dinner. This ensures that you won’t have to wait long for them to show up, or better yet, they are already there by the time you arrive.


9. Chew some gum when talking with your uncle that smells weird. The stronger the gum, the harder it will be to smell him.

10. Scope out your spot at the dining table ahead of time. If done correctly, you can avoid the food splatter from your baby cousin, your weird-smelling uncle, and sitting between your dad and grandpa when they start debating politics.

Featured image: “Marlene’s Fine Table” by QUOI Media is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 

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