Seriously: Laura still pretty horrible person despite all the yoga

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick

Laura Reynolds, a junior natural resources major, practices yoga every day.

Ad

“My practice is everything,” said Reynolds. “I can’t imagine a day without a downward dog or some other inverted pose to keep me balanced.”

But sources say, despite all the yoga, Reynolds is still a fairly shitty person.

Ava Guzman has been Reynolds’ roommate for 8 months now.

“Laura is very interesting because between all the meditation, chaturanga and bong hits, I expected her to be a pretty mellow person,” said Guzman. “But, I can honestly say, I’ve never liked a person less.”

According to Guzman, Reynolds is angry, judgmental and never does the dishes. Reynolds habitually puts dishes in the sink to “soak,” and has promised Guzman she would do the dishes “tomorrow” for the past 36 weeks.

Reynolds works part time at Old Navy. Her manager, Ryan Bach, finds her to be by far the least competent employee at the store. According to Bach, when a customer asks for help, Reynolds stares at them and sighs “no.” She replies to customers like this even if the question is not a yes or no question.

“Her Instagram bio says “find yourself,” and I can’t help but wonder, if she found herself, would she like what she found?” said Bach.

Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.

Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.