The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
Why Online Education is a Game-Changer for Nurses
September 25, 2023

Online education has revolutionized the way nurses acquire knowledge and skills by providing them with a flexible and accessible learning...

Seriously: Endangered Species Act added to Endangered Species List

For the first time in history, the Endangered Species Act has been added to Endangered Species List, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced Monday.

The agency placed the federal wildlife protections on the list because of a dramatic increase in population of the Act’s main predator, an invasive subspecies of politicians called “Republicans” that are hostile towards other animals and clean air. According to the agency, Republicans have been outcompeting other species of politicians for resources in recent months, with the number of politicians who dislike wildlife and having clean air to breathe having increased by 50% since November.


Named because of the vital protections it gives to literally all nonhuman life, the Endangered Species Act was once common and abundant across all 50 states. Today, the Act is only found in small, half-hearted proceedings in Washington, D.C.

“Our top priority is to act quickly to prevent destruction of the Endangered Species Act by Republicans,” wildlife service Eastwest regional director Nate Chur said in a statement. “Listing the Act as endangered will help us mobilize resources to remind people that life will literally f*cking collapse without other species of animals so, just maybe, we should protect them.”

People can help boost the Endangered Species Act population by growing a brain or reading literally anything about natural science and going outside for once in their f*cking lives, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said. Removing politicians from your ecological agencies can also help, since the Endangered Species Act needs a safe place to conduct its business. Additionally, the agency advises the public to avoid feeding any Republicans they encounter with funding or votes, since they have been known to behave aggressively when confronted with science, reason or pleas for human decency.

Collegian Satire Blogger Sean Kennedy can be reached online at Leave a comment!

Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.


View Comments (2)
More to Discover

Hey, thanks for visiting!
We’d like to ask you to please disable your ad blocker when looking at our site — advertising revenue directly supports our student journalists and allows us to bring you more content like this.

Comments (2)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • P

    postcardsforAmericaFeb 5, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    Extremely clever. I linked to it on @postcardsforUSA 🙂

  • M

    Melissa SmithJan 31, 2017 at 10:12 am

    This is my favorite thing ever.