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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Seriously: Unusual and totally awesome ways to study for your finals

Finals week is approaching, and we are as burnt out as you are. Looking for ways to make it though? Here at Seriously, we’ve compiled some odd-but-effective little tricks to help you pass.

Junior English major Alex Pinion searches through the textbooks on hold behind the front desk of the Library Sunday night. Pinion, a work study student, has been employed with the Library since her first year at CSU.
Junior English major Alex Pinion searches through the textbooks on hold behind the front desk of the Library Sunday night. Pinion, a work study student, has been employed with the Library since her first year at CSU.

1. Purchase the course’s textbook.

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This is an interesting concept – take a look at the information you were supposed to be learning all year. I, for one, didn’t even realize I was taking macroeconomics. I thought it was a philosophy class.

2. Lick your textbook

Your tongue is much more powerful than your eyes, so it can absorb much more information.

3. Picture your professor naked.

Literally. Seduce your professor, meticulously document the escapade and blackmail your professor into passing you.

4. Eat your textbook.

The jaw is even stronger than the tongue.

5. Find a “you’re-fucked” buddy

It’s like a fuck buddy, only instead of casually sleeping with you, they will casually remind you that your parents are disappointed in you.

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Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.

Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.

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