Contradicting the predictions of pundits, life is still—somehow— going on an entire week after the election, according to political scientists from across the country.

“It’s amazing! A lot of people in the media reacted like the world was going to end when the president-elect was first announced, but now it’s looking, like, maybe the outcome of all life isn’t determined by elections,” Johnathan Davis, political analyst at the Linden Research Center, said. “I mean, Donald Trump may be able to run a business into the ground in the course of a month, but our research indicates that it’s going to take him a lot longer than that to ruin an entire country.”

A recent study by the Linden Research Center found that life on Earth will not end with a Trump presidency, and may, in fact, continue on indefinitely as it has after all other presidents have left office. However, Davis cautioned that the study’s findings were tentative and are only applicable to straight, white men.

“Don’t be mistaken if you see White America sittin’ fine months from now,” Davis said, “The rest of us are in trouble.”

Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor and Blogger Sean Kennedy can be reached at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @seanskenn. He also hosts a weekly radio show, SUBMERGE, on Sundays from 7-9 p.m. on KCSU Fort Collins. Leave a comment!!

Disclaimer: Seriously is a satire blog, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All articles from Seriously are creations of fiction, and presumably fake publications. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are fictitious events based on real people. Photos used do not have any connection to the story and are used within the rights of free reuse, as well as cited to the best of our ability. Seriously is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.