Seriously: Homeland Security says U.S. catches “so many” terrorists

Sean Kennedy

Jeh Johnson, Official Portrait
Jeh Johnson, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. (Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Meeting with reporters just outside Capitol Hill, Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson reaffirmed his department’s crucial role in defending America from terror threats.

“In the wake of increased public concern for domestic security, I feel it is important that Americans know that our security measures totally work and catch so many terrorists,” Johnson said. 


While declining to cite any figures on the exact number of terrorists his department has caught, Johnson estimated the amount to be between “bunches and bunches” and “a whole lot”.  The department head added that U.S. methods of investigating domestic threats are completely effective while remaining respectful of suspects’ human rights, like the right to indefinite detention. 

According to White House officials, radicals monitored by Homeland Security have, “definitely never gone on to attack massive amounts of people after being interrogated.” 

When asked about the events in Orlando, Johnson disputed the notion that investigators failed to identify an obvious terror threat, claiming that FBI surveillance of the shooter was completely thorough.

“Look, we interviewed the guy three times, and there just wasn’t enough evidence to warrant further action,” Johnson said. “How were we supposed to know he wasn’t going to use the assault weapons that he bought days before the attack responsibly?”

Johnson said that Americans should feel assured that Homeland Security will prevent future domestic attacks from ever occurring,  reporting that the nation should be free of any shootings for “at least a day or two.”

Collegian Assistant Opinion Editor and columnist Sean Kennedy can be reached online at or on Twitter @seanskenn.