Seriously: Student plans on using spring break to catch up on homework, among other things

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick

Gerard Richard plans to use his spring break to catch up on things he has let build up.

The list of to-dos includes homework, reading a book his friend lent him, deep conditioning his carpet and plotting the murder of a customer who didn’t tip him.

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“I know a lot of people like to have just so much fun during break,” Richard said. “But frankly, I have a lot of work I’ve been putting off, I’m just really looking forward to getting it all done.”

Back in December, Richard was delivering pizzas like he would have any other weekday night. It was a fairly regular night, but on the last delivery of the shift something terrible happened.

The customer did not tip him. Ever since that night, he has meant to plot this costumer’s murder. But between work, his girlfriend, school and other obligations, Richard has not got to it.

Tracy Soto, Richard’s girlfriend, expressed excitement over Richard’s bound-to-be-productive break.

“I know he’s been under a lot of stress lately, and there’s a ton of things he hasn’t been able to finish,” Soto said. “I’m just glad he’ll have a chance to get it all done.”

Richard has a copy of Pride and Prejudice, all of the calculus homework he’s procrastinated on and murder on his mind.  

“I’ve been watching a lot of Making a Murder lately,” Richard said. “This is bound to be one of the best spring breaks ever.”

Collegian Satire Blogger Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached online at blogs@collegian.com or on Twitter at @TatianaSophiaPT.