Freshman Jeremy Fenkledorph sets an unprecedented standard for CSU students everywhere by paying attention in music appreciation class.
In order to fill a slot for his spring semester class schedule, Fenkledorph decided to take music appreciation as an elective. Little did he know this decision would change his life forever.
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While other students spend the class on their laptops buying Yeezys and cyberbullying musical.ly stars, Fenkledorph pays close attention to the complex inner workings of classical symphonies.
“I’m really glad I took this class because I feel like I have been turned on to so much great music,” Fenkledorph said.
Fenkledorph’s soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, Sharon Tartar, has grown increasingly concerned for his social health.
“Yeah, Jeremy’s always been into weird music, but I never thought he would take it this far,” Tartar said. “I really gotta take him to a counselor or something. Last weekend we were tripping on DMT and watching YouTube videos and all of a sudden he pulls up a Mozart song. Fucking Mozart. What kinda shit is that?”
Fenkledorph says he has simply grown accustomed to classical music.
“Beethoven’s symphonies have such a unique beauty to them that you just don’t see in today’s music,” he said. “I don’t hate anyone who disagrees cause I know it’s just a preference.”
Even the music appreciation teacher himself, Dr. Luke Warm, worries about Fenkledorph’s future.
“I mean yeah, it’s nice to have someone actually pay attention to my lectures, but damn even I take a nap whenever I play music for the class,” Warm said. “That kid just stays up the whole time not even checking his phone for the time. All I gotta say is good luck in the real world, kid.”
Collegian reporter Henry Netherland can be reached at entertainment@.com or on Twitter @NetherlandHenry.
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Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the opinion section of the Collegian. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
