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For many young people, having sex is much easier than talking about it. It can often feel awkward to bring up sexual desires in conversation with a sexual partner or partners, but it is an essential part of developing a positive sexual relationship, not only with your partner but also with yourself.

So why is it sometimes harder to talk about sex than it is actually to engage in sexual acts? This can be attributed to multiple factors, including shame and not wanting to offend a sexual partner, to name a couple. It is also common for people to grapple with feelings of guilt when discussing sex with their partner, as many folks are socialized to believe that prioritizing pleasure is selfish.

Bringing up sex, whether it be positive or negative, can come with some discomfort, but it is a crucial part of forging a healthy, thriving sex life. Seeking pleasure and satisfaction in your sex life — both for your partner and yourself — is not selfish and is known to increase relationship satisfaction.

“Responding positively both physically and verbally during sex can be very affirming and encouraging for your partner, and it also creates a safer space for one to speak up if their partner are doing something that doesn’t feel especially good”

Whether a person is in a monogamous relationship or has multiple sexual partners, enjoying sex is crucial. Avoiding the topic of sex with a partner can lead to a decrease in satisfaction within both the sexual and romantic aspects of the relationship.

One issue that disproportionately impacts female-bodied individuals during sex is the epidemic of orgasm faking. More than 50% of sexually active women admit to faking an orgasm at least once in their life. Many women cite reasons for faking orgasms that include wanting their partner to feel good about their sexual performance and wanting the sex to end due to exhaustion.

Orgasm-faking is just one example of how not speaking up about sex can be damaging to one’s sex life and overall relationship satisfaction. Not being forward about wants, needs, likes and dislikes in the bedroom can leave a person feeling dissatisfied and unhappy with their sex life.

Many people do not address intimacy with their partner until they start experiencing issues, which can lead to negative feelings about sex in their relationship. Instead of only discussing problems with intimacy, it can be incredibly beneficial to experiment with bringing up sex in small ways in daily conversation.

This can be through flirty remarks, complimenting your partner’s appearance and even making sex-related jokes. Exploring casual conversations about sex can normalize the topic between you and your partner or partners, which will in turn make more serious intimate conversations less daunting.

Another great opportunity to discuss intimacy is during the sexual act itself. Not only can it be effective to give your partner real-time feedback and encouragement about their sexual performance, it can also enhance the heat of the moment, as many individuals find sexual praise deeply arousing.

Responding positively both physically and verbally during sex can be very affirming and encouraging for your partner, and it also creates a safer space for one to speak up if their partner are doing something that doesn’t feel especially good.

Additionally, periodically asking your partner what they want and what they like is another sexy way to encourage communication. Making an effort to not only advocate for yourself but also express a desire to make the experience as enjoyable as possible for your partner will keep your sex life positive and mutually supportive.

Talking about sex through text messages or sexting can also be a productive way for sexual partners, especially young people, to discuss sex. Sexting is uniquely valuable in that it eliminates some of the feelings of awkwardness that can come with having intimate conversations face-to-face. Exploring desires and fantasies with your partner through sexting gives you the space to discover more about your sexuality in a low-pressure setting.

Discussing sex is one of the most essential parts of maintaining a healthy and successful sexual relationship, especially with a long-term partner. Prioritizing the pleasure of both your partner and yourself will help you maintain a strong, happier and more trusting long-term relationship.

Reach Astrid Thorn at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @CSUCollegian.