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Seriously: How to gaslight a woman in 5 simple steps

Cam the Ram shrugging under the text 'seriously'
(Graphic Illustration by Alyson Serio | The Collegian)

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Men, you’ve likely watched generations of men before you call their girlfriends crazy. Since the dawn of time, men have been gaslighting women. For those of you who aren’t quite as experienced, to gaslight means to emotionally manipulate someone and have them question their own sanity.

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We all know most women are generally crazy, and every man who says he has a crazy ex-girlfriend is absolutely telling the truth. Women go mad for no reason all the time. But just in case you need to win an argument, gaslighting is going to be an important strategy.

1. Make her question her memory

This is arguably the most important step in gaslighting a woman. You need to make sure she feels as though she is misremembering every situation she looks back on while you are correcting her memory to your advantage. Does she explicitly remember you saying you wanted to be in a committed relationship when you first started talking? Well, she’s wrong. No, you didn’t; you would never say something so absolutely unhinged. She is definitely misremembering that one.

Don’t want to follow through on plans you made with her? Just say you never solidified the details, and if she argues with you, just keep saying, “You’re not remembering things correctly.” Eventually, she’ll become too frustrated to argue with you on this one. If she isn’t ready to check herself into a hospital for memory loss by the end of her time with you, you’re doing it wrong. 

Sure, you said you love her, but you’ve also said that to your dog and your vape, so why she thinks it means anything is a mystery to you.”

2. Never take responsibility for your actions

Whatever you do, never make the foolish mistake of taking responsibility for your actions. Everything you have done, she is also responsible for, at least a little bit. Did you cheat on her? You may have done the action, but if she was giving you more attention, you wouldn’t have had to look elsewhere for it. Did you not cook dinner when you were supposed to? Well, she was supposed to get the groceries. You get the gist of this.

Make sure that if you are feeling like she wants you to apologize, you phrase it as, “I’m sorry, but you …,” then proceed to bring up the things she has done. Qualifying statements are your friend here. Taking responsibility and accountability makes you appear as though you’ve gone to therapy to improve your relationships. We want to avoid that. 

3. Every reaction is an overreaction

Remember that women can only ever overreact and be too emotional. If she is crying about a situation or something you did, make sure you make her feel like she is less of a partner, boss, friend, employee, etc., because of how emotional she is. It’s absolutely ridiculous that she cannot have a normal conversation about something upsetting without crying. If she is angry about something, make sure you make her feel like she’s insane by saying the situation is not as intense as she is making it out to be. A woman cannot be upset — she can only be hysterical.  

4. Cite your friends

If you are arguing with your girlfriend, make sure you explain to her that there is no possible way she can be right because you told your friends about the situation (preferably your male friends; no explanation needed here), and they all agree with you. That will really show her she’s wrong, if she sees that all your male friends are on your side. This is another situation when she will probably become too frustrated — understandably because she is trying to counter your flawless logic — to continue arguing.

5. Change the meaning of everything you’ve ever said

Yes, you did say sex was meaningful to you in the past, but now that you’re ready to slowly back away from the situation and ghost her, it was just casual hooking up to you. Of course, you told her your entire life story and shared all your trauma with her, but that doesn’t make her “special to you” — that makes you casual friends.

Sure, you said you love her, but you’ve also said that to your dog and your vape, so why she thinks it means anything is a mystery to you. Maybe you said you wanted a relationship when you first started seeing each other, but that doesn’t mean you actually wanted a relationship — it means you wanted to use her as a therapist and have sex with her until you were bored, then dip. 

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If you follow these steps, you’ll be able to maneuver your way out of any relationship or talking stage without having to take responsibility for a single action, and you’ll get to watch some poor girl question her memory and sanity.

Katrina Leibee can be reached at letters@collegian.com or Twitter @KatrinaLeibee.

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About the Contributor
Katrina Leibee, Editor-in-Chief
Katrina Leibee is serving as The Rocky Mountain Collegian's editor in chief for the 2021-22 academic year. Leibee started at The Collegian during the fall of her freshman year writing for the opinion desk. She then moved up to assistant opinion editor and served as the opinion director for the 2020-21 academic year. Leibee is a journalism and political science double major, but her heart lies in journalism. She enjoys writing, editing and working with a team of people to create the paper more than anything. Ask anyone, Leibee loves her job at The Collegian and believes in the great privilege and opportunity that comes with holding a job like this. The biggest privilege is getting to work with a team of such smart, talented editors, writers, photographers and designers. The most important goal Leibee has for her time as editor in chief is to create change, and she hopes her and her staff will break the status quo for how The Collegian has previously done things and for what a college newspaper can be. From creating a desk dedicated entirely to cannabis coverage to transitioning the paper into an alt-weekly, Leibee hopes she can push the boundaries of The Collegian and make it a better paper for its readers and its staff. Leibee is not one to accept a broken system, sit comfortably inside the limits or repeat the words, "That's the way we've always done things." She is a forward thinker with a knack for leadership, and she has put together the best staff imaginable to bring The Collegian to new heights.

Comments (19)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
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  • S

    ShirleyNov 22, 2023 at 7:30 am

    Im glad I found this article. I had an idea to look up how to gaslight instead of how to know if I’m being gaslit. And of the many things I have read over and over this is the first time I found this saying change the meaning of everything you say. My boyfriend chooses his words carefully and never tells the hole story, only the part that can easily be twisted around over and over to mean different things, what ever is convenient.. this is his main way of gaslighting me that really confuses me, bc how do I argue logic. My memory is flaky so even if I remember, if I mix up even a couple words I’m wrong bc that’s not what was said and that’s not what was ment. I’m thankful for this read and I hope my comment helps someone.. also these examples are weak lol but they get the idea across in a simple way.

    Reply
  • R

    rubieJun 5, 2023 at 1:57 am

    im a woman here to learn to gaslight everyone when i want

    Reply
  • A

    alexDec 7, 2022 at 7:47 pm

    Brilliant, it actually works!

    Reply
  • K

    KennyOct 17, 2022 at 11:21 pm

    Women aren’t the only ones that get gaslighted I just learned that’s what’s happening to me. Thank you for the info will definitely remember this post

    Reply
  • E

    EliOct 17, 2022 at 3:33 am

    Will be using this in the future. Thank you.

    Reply
    • A

      A friendApr 4, 2023 at 4:59 am

      Get a life. Don’t be a bastard. Karma is real.

      Reply
  • U

    UziAug 31, 2022 at 11:14 am

    Sensational

    Reply
  • J

    Janet L.Aug 10, 2022 at 6:14 pm

    Actually people do not do this. I think you might be misremembering.

    Reply
  • K

    Karla GibsonAug 3, 2022 at 3:13 pm

    Why would you tell someone how to abuse another person?
    That’s an awful thing to do.

    Reply
    • G

      grantSep 19, 2022 at 12:57 am

      i think you are overreacting to this article, my friend read it and thought it was perfectly fine you are probably just misremembering the meaning behind the article.

      Reply
    • S

      sillybillyJun 15, 2023 at 11:58 am

      what are you talking about? this isn’t “awful”, you’re just overreacting. i showed this to my pals the other day and they all agree that this is a very normal and sensible thing to do. maybe you should read the article again as you’re clearly not remembering it correctly.

      Reply
  • K

    kaloMay 13, 2022 at 12:40 pm

    this was genuinely helpful for gaslighting thank you

    Reply
  • A

    Adam CretaroApr 15, 2022 at 2:00 pm

    How to avoid a serious relationship

    I admit I am guilty of this. I didn’t realize there is a “term” for it

    Reply
  • D

    daeFeb 26, 2022 at 7:17 am

    just realized im a gaslighter

    Reply
  • M

    mariahFeb 10, 2022 at 6:04 am

    this is disgusting

    Reply
    • T

      Trinity FrancisFeb 13, 2022 at 10:17 pm

      Exactly

      Reply
    • D

      DogFeb 17, 2022 at 12:48 pm

      Nah its not you’re crazy

      Reply
    • R

      roguefort cookieMar 10, 2022 at 12:06 pm

      thank you for the tips! thanks to you, i was able to gaslight this hot chick and now she’s blasting “i’ve had enough” by melina kb into my eardrums!

      /j pls dont kill me

      Reply